


Affair Of The Heart

by StormyBear30



Series: Affair Of The Heart Series [1]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: American Idol - RPS, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-12
Updated: 2011-03-12
Packaged: 2017-10-16 21:59:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/169782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started out as a simple affair and turned into something so much more then anyone could have expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Affair Of The Heart

Chapter One

“No…don’t go…not yet” Adam whined as he pulled his lover backwards, pinning him to the bed under the bulk of his body. “Stay, just a few minutes more” He whined some more, leaning down and kissing him in a way that he knew would make his toes curl.

“You’re not being fair Adam” Kris groaned when his lips were released. “I was supposed to leave forty-five minutes ago”

“I know, but I hate it when you leave. I get lonely. I just miss you so much when your not around” He pouted, hoping that he could convince Kris to stay, but knew it was a lost cause by the look on his face.

“I miss you too” Kris replied, reaching out and brushing his fingers through his lovers jet black hair. “But I promised Katy that I would take her out tonight and I’m already late” He kissed Adam sweetly, ignoring the pitiful looks as fumbled his way out of bed. “I’m still in town through the rest of the week and I know you only have that one radio interview tomorrow, so I can stop by for a little while late tomorrow afternoon”

“I don’t only just have a radio interview tomorrow Kris. I also have a tour fitting and publicity shots that are scheduled for tomorrow afternoon” Adam replied sullenly, leaning against the headboard, arms across his chest as he watched Kris dress.

“Well then cancel them” Kris shot back as if he was the easiest answer in the world. “If I don’t see you tomorrow then it could be weeks before I see you again”

“I’m not fucking canceling them” Adam cried out, shocked at the nerve Kris seemed to have and his lack of concern over his career. “Look you may not give a shit about your career, but I do. How rude and unprofessional will it look if I call and cancel at the last minute?” He continued to yell, jerking himself off of the bed as he went in search of his own clothes.

“I didn’t realize that your career was more important then our relationship” Kris shot out in anger already knowing it was a low blow, but feeling guilty enough as it was.

“I didn’t realize that spending time with your wife was more important then our relationship” Adam returned the zing with just as much anger.

“That’s not fair. You knew that I was married when we started this” Kris couldn’t believe the nerve of Adam to bring his marital status up when it was such a sore subject for both of them.

“That was three fucking years ago Kris” Adam reminded, eyes blazing as he stared him down from across the room. “You told me that it was over, that you didn’t love her anymore and I was fucking stupid enough to believe it”

“It’s complicated…” Kris tried to make amends by reaching out and taking Adam’s hands into his own. “You knew that coming into this”

“Yes I did. But it’s been three years Kris” He reminded again. “I see you and her together and it just breaks me. I love you Kris, but it’s getting harder and harder to keep this little secret. It’s not fair to us and it sure as hell isn’t fair to our families” Adam smiled sadly, allowing himself to be tugged into Kris’s personal space, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath when strong arms surrounded his neck.

“I know baby, but we just have to be patient a little while longer” Kris tried to sooth his lover, kissing him hard while removing every stitch of their clothing yet again, before they fell back onto the bed.

Adam didn’t even try and fight it as Kris begged and pleaded for him to make love to him, pushing his pain and confusion away for the moment as he did his bidding. “Katy wanted to start a family” He heard Kris whisper in the darkened room afterward.

“You told her no…right?” Adam asked frantically as he pushed away from the smaller man because he didn’t have to see his face to know the answer.

“Adam…it’s…”

“Don’t fucking finish that sentence Kristopher” He cut him off, his eyes wide and filling with tears as he pulled himself off of the bed, taking the sheet with him as he wrapped it around his waist. “You’re never going to leave her are you?” He asked, swallowing hard, but unable to stop himself because everything had been going on for far too long. “You can’t be thinking about having kids with your wife and continuing to fuck around with your fuck buddy” His words were full of hate, but he didn’t care as he began to pace back and forth across the room. “Because I couldn’t do that to a kid Kris”

“You know I don’t think about you like that. Adam…I love you” Kris cried out, reaching out towards Adam, but getting his hand slapped away by the furious looking man in front of him.

“I love you too, but I can’t do this anymore” Tears bled from his eyes because the words were like a million tiny daggers to his heart. “I’ve waited patiently for three years while you promised to leave your wife time and time again. I put myself back in the closet for you, the one thing I swore that I would never do for anyone after I came out. I’ve listened to your lies and your bullshit excuses time and time again, always waiting, always hopeful that you would come to me one day and make good on your promise. I’ve been such a fucking fool and the sad part is that I actually convinced myself that this could work between us”

“Adam…stop this please” Kris sobbed, tears bleeding from his own eyes as he sat in the middle of Adam’s bed, his heart breaking at what was going on between them. “I love you. I love you so much. I just need you to be patient a little while longer. What do you want from me?” He finally asked, closing his eyes at the look of prolonged hurt that he saw staring back at him.

“I want it all Kristopher” Adam responded truthfully, knowing deep within his mangled heart that he would never get any of it. “I want you to leave your wife. I want you to explain to the would that it just wasn’t meant to be because you fell in love with me. I want you to shout it from the rooftops that you want to spend the rest of your life with me and only me. I want you to fall down on one knee and ask to take my hand in marriage. I want to adopt babies with you, grow old with you. Can you do that? Can you give me everything that I want? I’ve waited for three years Kris. I don’t think that I can wait anymore”

“I made a commitment to Katy. She’s my wife Adam. I owe her to at least try and work it out” The words tasted like sewer water as they poured from his mouth and yet he didn’t stop himself, because he was a fucking coward and he knew it. “I can’t give those things to you Adam because I promised them to Katy long before I even met you”

“Get out”

“What?”

“I said…get out” Adam yelled even louder, picking up nail polish bottles from off of his dresser and throwing them across the room at Kris one by one. “GET OUT…GET OUT…GET OUT” He kept screaming, throwing anything he could get his hands on once the bottles ran out. “You son of a bitch” He screeched at the retreating figure as he raced out of his bedroom, falling into a heap on the floor at the slamming of the front door.

He found himself still on the floor the next morning, the vibrating of his cell phone on a nearby coffee table waking him from an uncomfortable slumber. ***I can’t do this anymore. It’s over. Goodbye Adam*** The text message read. Adam didn’t have the energy to do much else except curl into him self upon the floor once again and cry.

TBC…

Chapter Two

The depression after that came hard and it came heavy, leaving Adam’s friends and family confused as to what had brought it on. Kris had made Adam promise not to tell a living soul about their affair and Adam had kept true to his word. He visited all of the excesses from drinking to drugs to binging and purging. He seemed to always be lost in a trance, refusing help from anyone and slowly but surely becoming a shell of himself. Most people, his family included didn’t know how to handle this side of Adam, doing what they could, but eventually the excesses became to much for even them to handle and they slipped away. The label had tried to be patient with Adam, but after months of screwing up everything possible even they had their limits. They set out an ultimatum, either he cleaned up his act and got back on track or they were going to drop him and sue him for breach of contract. Adam didn’t seem to care, but there was one who refused to give up as the others had. He was determined to chip and claw his way through the fortress of loneness that Adam had built around himself and then when he found out whom it was that had done this to his friend, Brad was going to murder them in their sleep.

“Ok sparkle baby, this ends tonight” Brad called out after he had let himself into Adam’s home. “No more wallowing. No more pushing me away. No more….Adam?” He stopped his rant as he walked into the living room and found Adam lying on the couch. He didn’t know why but something felt wrong as he rushed over to the couch, shaking him hard in hopes of rousing him. “Adam…what the fuck?” He cried out when it didn’t work, his eyes searching around the room, landing on the used syringe he found lying on the carpet not far from him. “No…no…you are not going to die on me like this you mother fucker” He yelled, checking for a pulse, finding none. He wanted to panic, wanted to scream and run around the room at the seriousness of the situation, but he knew that he couldn’t. He knew that Adam was either dead or as near to death as could be and if he didn’t do something then he would have to live with it for the rest of his life. “Breathe you son of a bitch…breathe” He demanded, performing mouth to mouth, hoping and praying that he was doing everything right as he switched to compressions upon his chest. “You can’t die on me like this damn you” Tears poured down his cheeks as he tried over and over again to revive the man that he still loved with his entire heart. “Fuck…yes…oh Jesus….yes” He yelled out triumphantly when he heard a faint intake of breath coming from the comatose man. “Stay with me” He sobbed, dialing emergency services as he continued to watch over his friend while he waited for the ambulance to show up.

“Who did this to you?” Brad asked the moment that Adam opened his eyes from his hospital bed.

“I did…” Adam lied, still trying to protect Kris and yet he didn’t know why after everything he had done to him.

“Don’t fucking lie to me” Brad shouted, gripping so hard onto the arm of the chair he was sitting in that he felt all his knuckles crack from the pressure. “I said…who did this to you?” He demanded in a loud voice, determined to find out the truth. “Adam…just tell me who did this to you” He lowered his voice at the devastated look upon his friends face.

“Kris…” Adam finally told the truth, tears trickling down the sides of his face at the pain present and yet at the semblance of happiness it brought him to finally talk about it.

“So you decided that whatever was going on between you and that fucker was worth nearly ending your life on a heroin binge?” Brad was incensed beyond control as he continued to grip the side of the chair, the cheap wood finally giving way on one side before he threw it across the room. “How could you do that to yourself, to me? Social drugs are one thing but fucking mind altering, always fucking addicting heroin is something completely different” He screamed so loud that several nurses came rushing into the room to see what the commotion was all about, but he ignored them as he continued to sit in the broken chair and berate one of his best friends so being so fucking stupid. “Get out” He warmed the nurses, jerking himself off of the chair and practically shoving them out of the room. “You died Adam” He turned his sights on Adam, racing across the room and pulling him into his arms. “You were fucking dead and if I hadn’t gotten there when I had, you'd still be fucking dead”

“I know and I’m so sorry that I put you through that” Adam sobbed, clinging to his former lover and truest friend. “Thank you for saving me” He clung on even tighter as the reality that he had actually died finally hit him. “I wasn’t…I wasn’t trying to kill myself” I just want you to know that” He stammered, pulling away from Brad enough that he could see the truth in his eyes. “I was just trying to forget”

“Forget what? Who? Kris Allen?” Confusion clouded Brad’s mind as he tried to figure out how the little fucker fit into Adam’s downfall. “Why?” He had never been a real fan of Kris Allen from the first time he had heard Adam go on continuously about him in the early idol days. He knew a huge part of it was out of jealousy at the close friendship shared between the two of them right after they met, and yet something told him that he was going to like him even less after Adam told him how they had ended up where they were that night.

He watched Adam fidget for a moment before lying back against the pillows, tears once again clouding his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. “We were lovers” He rushed out, eyes locked on Brad’s as he gauged his reaction.

“Lovers? What? When? For how long?” He sputtered, trying to figure out what Adam was talking about because he was sure that he had heard him incorrectly.

“Yes…for three years” Adam supplied the answer, it still not making sense.

“You and Kris Allen have been lovers for the last three years?” He asked again just to make sure he had heard him correctly. “How did I not know this?” He continued when he received an affirming nod from Adam, the pain in his eyes telling him more of the truth then words ever could.

“No one knew. He begged me to keep it a secret and me being so fucking head over heels in love with him did what he asked” The dark haired man replied angrily, wiping quickly at the tears on his cheeks.

“You put yourself back in the closet for a straight man?” Brad asked, madder then he had felt in ages and yet he didn’t know if he was angrier at Kris Allen or Adam himself. “Were you so blinded by him that you easily forgot the first rule of being an out and proud gay man?”

“Yes…I was blinded. No…I didn’t forget, but I ignored it because I love him Brad, I really fucking love him and I was willing to ignore it and put myself back in” Turing his head, Adam allowed the tears to start flowing again, but he didn’t care because it wasn’t the first time that Brad had seen him like that and he knew that he wouldn’t be the last. “I feel so stupid now, but I really did believe that he was going to leave his wife and be with me. I really let myself believe that all the secrets and the lies were going to be worth it once we were together forever”

“Baby…if he truly loved you then he wouldn’t have asked you to lie. He wouldn’t have asked you to be something that he knew wasn’t you” He hated saying that to Adam, but as long as he had known him he had always told him the truth and he wasn’t about to start lying to him over Kris fucking Allen.

“He loves me Brad. There isn’t a bone in my entire body that doubts that he loves me, but he’s scared and because of that fear it’s easier to live in his pretend straight world” Adam’s heart broke even more as he closed his eyes and recalled the look of love that he found always staring back at him each time he looked into Kris’s eyes. “He’s a coward and I knew this and yet I allowed myself to believe that it would happen. I allowed the fantasy of him leaving his wife and then outing us to the world to take over all my senses and now look at me”

“You’ve taken a fall and yes it hurts like a mother fucker, but this will not be what ends you. I forbid him and this fucked up relationship to be your downfall. I’m here and I am not going anywhere until you are over what’s his fucking name and are able to stand on your own again. I’m going to make sure that you stay away from him and…”

“Brad…” Adam interrupted his rant with a smile because he loved his friend so much at that very moment and was so thankful that he hadn’t given up on him as all the others had. “Get off of your soapbox and get me the fuck out of here”

Adam wasn’t sure how it was that Brad was able to get him discharged so quickly, but he assumed it had something to do with the record label and the twenty or so calls he found missed on his cell phone. He found that he didn’t care as he entered his home, collapsing on the couch in near exhaustion. “You need to get rid of this couch” He heard Brad say as he opened his eyes and found him standing right in front of him with a look on unease on his handsome face.

“Why?” He asked tiredly, rolling over until his head was resting on the arm.

“Because you fucking died on it” Brad screeched, grabbing Adam’s arm and jerking him so hard off of the offensive thing that they both fell onto the floor. “You can’t keep that fucking thing because every time I see it I’m going to see you lying on it not breathing” He allowed Adam to hold him as he cried over the last twenty-four hours, the thought of a world without Adam Lambert in it causing him to cry even harder. He didn’t say anything as he was gently picked up off of the floor and led into Adam’s bedroom. “I’m supposed to be the one holding you together” He whispered, as the two of them curled into each other under the covers.

“You are…trust me you are” Adam sighed against his ear before he closed his eyes and allowed the exhaustion to roll over him.

TBC…

Chapter Three

“So the first thing we are going to do is de-krisify the house” Brad said at breakfast the next morning. “It’s your first step in getting over the douche bag” He spat the last part out like it was the worst thing he had tasted ever.

“I don’t think getting rid of his things are going to make me get over him” Adam replied sadly, taking a deep breath to will away the tears, but still so thankful that Brad was willing to stand by him and help.

“No…but they won’t be here as a constant reminder and that in itself will help”

“When did you get so smart?” Adam asked with a small smile.

“It’s what I had to do to get over you” Brad replied sadly, reaching out and squeezing Adam’s hand before getting up from the breakfast nook. “You start in the bedroom and I’ll start out here”

“I love you Brad” Adam grinned as he got up and hugged the man fiercely. “I just wanted you to know that I’m so happy that you are still in my life”

“Me too man, me too” He agreed, turning away quickly so Adam wouldn’t see the tears glistening in his eyes. “Go on, get started” Truthfully Brad didn’t know what he was looking for, unsure about what could possibly be Kris’s and what was Adam’s. Sitting down on the dreadful couch, he leaned forward and placed his head between his knees praying to a higher power that the drugs that Adam had used to take away his pain hadn’t taken him permanently out of his life. Taking a deep breath and letting it out be decided to go and help Adam in the bedroom, his foot nudging something hard on the floor, it tuning out to be the remote control to the television. Looking up at the TV he found a blue screen staring back at him, alerting him to the fact that Adam had been watching something during his drug haze. Picking up the remote he hit the play button, his mouth falling open at what he saw before complete and utter anger took control.

*******

“What are you doing Kristopher?” Adam laughed as Kris walked up to the bed with a video camera in his hand. “Are you crazy” He giggled, a full bodied flush rushing down his body at the way Kris drew the camera up and down his entire frame. “Stop that” He giggled again, reaching out for something to cover his naked body, but coming up empty handed at the monumental love making they had shared just moments before, the comforter and sheets being ripped from the bed at their exertions.

“I’m going to be on tour for the next two months and I’m going to need something to keep me company on those long lonely nights without you. I’m going to miss you baby” Kris replied with a smile as he continued to film the man laid out naked across the bed in front of him. He found himself in awe of the beautiful man in front of him, a man that still after so many years held such a poor body image of him self. He loved everything about Adam’s body. He loved looking at it, touching it, tasting it, but most of all he love making love to it and holding onto it tightly afterwards.

“I’ll miss you too” Adam smiled sadly, reaching out towards his lover because he didn’t want to think about the fact that his lover was going to be leaving him again. “Put that away and come back to bed” He smiled sexily, winking at the camera crooking his finger in a come hither motion.

“You’re so beautiful” The camera zoomed up to Adam’s face, not only fascinated by the body of the man that he loved, but by the beautiful face as well. “I never thought that I would think of a man as beautiful, but then I met you and realized I had met the most beautiful man in the world, inside and out” He meant those words, his heart beating just a bit faster at the amount of love that he felt for him, but then just as quickly as it came the guilt took over. “I love you Adam” He said the words quickly in hopes of pushing the guilt away at least for a little bit.

“Stop before you make me cry” Adam giggled, pushing the camera away before it was caught on tape just how much Kris’s words affected him. He was a sap when it came to Kris and his words of love and devotion as much as he wished that he was stronger.

“It’s true. I can’t help it. I get around you and I forget about everything that is going on in my life because all I can focus on is you. I love you so much Adam, more then I thought I could ever love another human being, including Katy. You’ve just been so amazingly patient and loving even though I know how hard it’s been for you to keep our love a secret” He wanted to take the words back the moment that they left his lips at the look of shame and sadness that quickly covered his lovers face. He knew that he was taking a risk taping Adam and their love nest, but he hoped that it would help appease Adam somewhat and the fact that he had pretty much put the older man back in the closet because of him.

“Kris please…we shouldn’t be taping any of this” Adam sat up, trying to take the camera away from Kris, but he seemed determined as he took Adam’s hands into his own, kissing them before stepping back. “If this gets out it will hurt Katy and our families and I know that neither of us want that to happen” He went on, closing his eyes and shaking his head when Kris took another step back from him.

“I want to declare here and now that I love with my entire heart Adam Lambert” Kris’s face came into view as he held the camera in front of him, ignoring Adam’s pleas. “And that there will be a time when we will be together forever”

“You are so crazy” He heard Adam sniffle as he turned the camera back towards him, watching as a lone tear trickled its way down his cheek.

“Crazy for you baby and only you” Kris smiled as he leaned over and kissed his lover as if to prove his point, the camera catching every second of it.

“I love you so much Kris” Adam whispered between kisses, not caring about the video camera any longer as he wrapped his arms around Kris’s neck and continued to kiss the man he loved with his entire heart and soul.

*******

“Ok…I think that I have everything” Adam called out as he entered his living room with a duffle bag full of Kris’s things. “Brad?” He hollered for his friend, confused as hell when he found the house empty. “Ok…” He said to himself sitting down on the couch as he stared sadly at the small bag in front of him. “Three years together and this is all I have to show for it” The room felt completely empty and lonely as he dug into the bag and pulled out one of Kris’s knit shirts, holding it to his nose as he inhaled the scent of the man who had devastated his heart. Closing his eyes he allowed the tears to fall, hugging the shirt to his chest and wondering why in the previous three years he had allowed himself to get so lost in the loving madness that was Kris Allen. He wanted to berate himself for being dumb enough to allow it to even happen in the first place, but he found that he couldn’t because no matter what had happened between the two of them, he couldn’t deny for one second that he still didn’t love him and that each time they had been together had been more then worth it.

TBC…

Chapter Four

Kris was miserable, more miserable then he had felt in his entire lifetime as he watched the TV screen before him. It had been months since he had ended things with Adam, his misery growing even more at the cowardly way he had done it. He missed Adam, missed him more then he ever thought possible. He felt ashamed for the way he had treated the man that he still loved and terrified that his cowardice had not only hurt Adam mentally, but physically as well. “American Idol runner up and glam rocker Adam Lambert was released from Cedars Sinai medical hospital today for what is rumored to be a drug overdose. It is neither confirmed or denied, but the singer was rushed by ambulance into the medical facility late last night and released later today” He couldn’t listen to the rest as he turned the volume down, instead watching the tape of Adam being led from the hospital by Brad and some people he could only assume were from the label. Adam’s face was hidden by large sunglasses, his head covered by a baseball cap, but Kris didn’t have to see his face to know that his former lover was emotionally beat down. The normal swagger from his step was gone, his posture hunched over as Brad wrapped his arms around him while screaming and yelling at the people taking thousands upon thousands of pictures around them.

“I see you heard the news” He heard Katy speak from the doorway of his study as he turned to face her, wiping at the wetness he hadn’t noticed on his face. He tried to speak, but found that his throat was too heavy with regret and shame. “I knew Adam liked to drink, but I would have never pegged him as a druggie” For the first time in his life Kris felt the urge to punch his wife for what she had said, instead he just walked past her, ignoring her cries of protest behind him as he raced from their home. It was several hours before he returned home after driving around the city in hopes of clearing his head. The house was quiet as he called out for his wife, still unsure about what to say about the way she had found him earlier.

“Katy” He called out again when he didn’t get a response, almost having a heart attack a moment later when he turned around and found her standing right behind him. “I’m…”

“How could you?” She cut him off before he could offer a fake apology, the look of horror and pain on her face confusing him in more ways then one.

“I was just upset about what I heard about Adam and…” He spoke a half truth, it getting cut off as a rain of fists began to pelt all over his chest and shoulders.

“Liar…” She screamed, hitting him with even more fury as he continued to stand before her in shock. “How long?” She asked, not wanting to hear the answer, but needing to know just the same. “How fucking long?” She screamed even louder when she didn’t get a response right away.

“How long for what?” Kris asked in full confusion, grabbing onto her hands and stilling them against his chest. “I don’t understand. What’s going on?”

“How long have you been in love with him, been fucking him?” She yelled, jerking her hands away before she started beating him upon his chest once again. “How long have you been cheating on me with Adam?”

Kris was completely stunned, unaware of the beating he was receiving from his wife, his mind too confused and scared at what he had just heard.

“I trusted you. I loved you. I shared vows with you” She continued to scream like a banshee, but he still felt none of it as he unknowingly stepped backwards and fell to the floor. “You’re sick and perverted and you are going to burn in hell for what you did” He vaguely noticed the room had gone silent as he looked around and found Katy gone. He still wasn’t sure what the hell had happened, wasn’t sure how his wife had found out about his affair with Adam, but something told him that she was not the only one who knew.

Pulling himself from the floor, he stumbled into his study, noticing for the first time that he phone was ringing in his coat pocket, but he ignored it as he reached for the television remote. His breath exhaled from his lungs as he watched a snippet of a recording he had made of his and Adam one night after making love. He watched as his TV self declared to the camera his love for Adam and the promise that they would be together forever in the end. He tried to pull air into his lungs, but found it impossible as the next thing he saw was he and Adam kissing before the camera was dropped, the sounds of moaning and panting the only thing heard as it fell to the floor. He felt light headed and ready to pass out as he fell onto his favorite chair, it jarring him enough that he was able to pull a breath into his body. His head cleared a little as he changed the channel, seeing the same thing play out as he had seen on the other. With his mind beginning to clear he began to feel more then just shock as a profound anger and betrayal began to roll over him. Before he knew what he was doing he was out the door yet again and this time he had only one destination.

“Go home. I’m fine” Adam assured Brad for what felt like the hundredth time as he pushed him towards the front door. He felt exhausted as they stood in the foyer of his home, he leaning against the wall as Brad just stared at him. “What?” He asked, not liking the look in Brad’s eyes at all. “I’m fine” He assured, figuring he was just worried about him as he hugged him tightly. “I know that you’re worried about me, but you have your own life to live. I appreciate that you spent the entire day with me and it was nice to get away and just have some fun, but now I am tired and in need of sleep so go” He pulled back with a smile on his face as he pointed towards the front door.

Brad felt as if he was going to vomit at the amount of guilt he felt weighing down on him. He was guilty on two counts, one in letting Adam believe that he had taken him out of town in order to help get his mind off of his troubles and second because he knew that the minute Adam turned on the TV that he was going to know what he had done. He still couldn’t believe that he had done it, but the anger at seeing the recording had made him go mad with rage and before he knew what had happened he had given the DVD to a slimy television producer he knew and the contents had just exploded from there. He knew from countless text messages that the entire tape was out for the world to see, but he hadn’t said a word to Adam about it, even kidnapping his phone under the pretense of breaking free from the world for just one day. “Adam…I need to tell you something” He finally found the courage to speak, stepping back and willing to take his knocks once he had, but Adam had other ideas.

“Tell me tomorrow” He laughed, kissing Brad on the cheek before literally pushing him out the door. “I’m going to bed. I’ll talk to you later” With another smile, the door was closed in his face, the turning of the lock being heard from the other side.

Brad wanted to go back in and make Adam listen, but he knew that Adam was tired and hoped and prayed that he really did just go to bed because he knew that Adam didn’t have a TV in his bedroom. Patting the pocket of his jeans he felt Adam’s phone still there. Taking it out, he closed his eyes in shame at the over one hundred texts he saw waiting to be read and the numerous voice mails waiting to be heard as well. Taking a deep breath he forced himself to walk away from Adam’s home, his mind spinning in confused circles as he tried to figure out the best way to explain to his best friend that he had not only outed the relationship between him and Kris, but that same man whom Adam still vowed to keep his not so straight status to himself as well.

After removing his make up and changing into his night clothes, Adam found himself humming as he entered his bedroom, the song catching in his throat at who he saw standing on the other side of the room. “Kris…” He whispered, never so happy to see one person in his entire life and yet so shocked and angry at the same time. “What the fuck are you doing here?” He asked, growing a bit nervous at the glaring looks he was receiving from the silent man.

“Are you happier now that you’ve done it?” Kris growled his voice low and deadly, his fists clenched at his sides.

“Now that I’ve done what?” Adam asked, still a bit confused about why Kris was there and why he seemed ready to beat the shit out of him. “Why are you here Kris?” He questioned, stepping back because those words seemed to only anger Kris even more. “I don’t understand what is going on?” His voiced sounded shaky as he took another step backwards, because the glaring looks of hatred staring back at him were becoming too much.

“You’ve ruined everything. My life, my marriage, my career” Kris snarled, unable to find a shred of the love he once felt for the person standing before him. “You just couldn’t let it go. I hurt you and you had to go and do me one better”

“I don’t even know what the fuck that means” His own anger began to take hold as he curled his firsts and prepared for what looked to be a battle between of two of them and yet he didn’t know for what. “Either you’re fucking drunk or high and truth be told I don’t care, just get the fuck out of my house and leave the fucking key when you go”

“You are going to pay for what you did Lambert” Kris screamed at the top of his lungs before lunging forward and punching Adam right in the nose. Adam was stunned for a moment before his own anger and pain converged upon him. The fight was long and ugly as the two pounded and beat each other until they were both out of breath, bleeding all over themselves and the floor. “How could you do it Adam?” Kris choked out, the anger subsiding as the pain of Adam’s betrayal moved to the forefront. “You told me you loved me. I never thought that you would hurt me like this” He tried to pull himself up, but his breath was still lost and it just hurt too much to move. Instead, he locked eyes on the bloodied and beaten former lover before him, not understanding the looks of confusion and hurt staring back at him.

“You devastated my fucking heart” Adam cried out with as much energy as he could, lying against the foot of the bed, tears in his eyes at the emotional and physical pain coursing through him. “I don’t know what brought this on, but you have no right to be this angry with me Kris” He wiped at his face, watered down blood staining his hand.

“Why didn’t you just talk to me? Why did you do this? What do you gain from it now?” Kris asked, tears in his own eyes at the realization that he had laid his hands in anger on the one person he vowed he would never hurt.

“You keep talking in riddles and I can’t take anymore” Adam sobbed, winching as he pulled himself up with the aide of the bed, standing over Kris looking down at him. “I want you gone Kris and if you want to press charges for the fighting then go ahead. I’d rather spend time in jail then be anywhere near you. Go on…get out of here” He continued to speak when Kris said nothing. Limping towards the bathroom, he closed the door behind him, fumbling with the shower and crying out in pain when the heated waters hit his bruised and broken skin. He washed himself quickly, leaning against the wall as he wailed over his confusion and the realization that what he and Kris had was truly over.

“What the fuck?” Adam said to himself hours later that morning as he looked out his living room window and found the gates surrounding his home surrounded with paparazzi. He had no idea what was going on as he quickly closed the curtains, searching for his phone before he remembered that Brad had it. “Fuck…” He cursed himself for not ever bothering to get a home line as he raced for his computer because he knew he could get a hold of Brad that way. “Oh my god” He cried out in shock, his eyes going wide and his mouth falling open as he read the headline on his homepage. ***More then just friends*** It read, with a picture of Adam and Kris kissing. He knew immediately where the picture came from, although he had no idea how it had been leaked since it had been sitting in his DVD player since Kris had made him a copy. “No…” He rushed into the living room, slamming the eject button on the player, his eyes closing when he found it empty. “Brad…” He yelled, rushing back towards the computer and sending the man he was going to kill a not nice email.

Thirty minutes later after nearly hitting several of the paparazzi snapping his picture Brad was able to make it to Adam’s house. He didn’t have a chance to say a word as the front door of the house was jerked open and he was pulled inside. “How the fuck could you do that?” Adam cried out, opening his mouth and then closing it again before stomping away.

“What the fuck happened to your face?” Brad cried out, rushing over and forcing Adam to turn and face him. “Did he fucking do this to you?” He asked, not needing an answer as Adam jerked the arm he held away and stormed away from him once again. “Stupid mother fucker got what he had coming to him. I don’t regret for one moment turning that video over” He said, knowing that it would get Adam to stop running away from him, but not expecting the full out punch to his face that sent him flying backwards and into the back of the couch. “You fucking hit me” He roared, holding his smarting face as he glared up at Adam who was towering over him like a two hundred pound wrestler.

“I should fucking kill you Brad” Adam screamed, reaching down with his large hands and plucking the smaller man up with the ease of nothing. Brad closed his eyes and waited for the blast he knew he deserved, only to open them a moment later when it still hadn’t come. What he saw before him was no longer the incensed man who wanted to beat him within an inch of his life, but a man so devastatingly lost and broken. “He thought I did this and…” Tears poured down his raw cheeks, as he reached out and pulled Brad into his arms. “He was so angry and mean and I never thought that this would happen to us, never thought that we would get to a place like this” He sobbed, wrapping his arms around Brad’s waist and holding him so tightly that he lost the will to breathe, yet he didn’t care. He felt bad for Adam that he had released the recording, knowing that he was going to have to deal with the scrutiny of the people who loved to hate him as well as the record label, but he couldn’t have cared one little bit that Kris would have to deal with it as well. As far as Brad was concerned Kris was the bad guy in this little game and the video was out there for eternity to prove it. He knew that he would be there for Adam, vowing to grovel and beg until Adam was able to forgive him.

“Everything is over now. Both of our careers will be over” Adam mumbled in exhaustion as he was led towards his bedroom, wanting to push Brad away, but not wanting to be alone at the same time. He could hate Brad later he thought as he tugged him into the bed with him, knowing that the hate wouldn’t last long because despite the fact that he didn’t want to, he fully understood why Brad had done it.

“I’m so sorry Adam” Brad sniffled, thankful that at least for the moment Adam didn’t seem to hate him. “I know that you have every…” He was cut off by the sound of music coming from his back pocket.

“My phone” Adam laughed sadly, reaching around Brad’s hip and pulling it out of his pocket. “I don’t even want to deal with them right now” He sighed, scrolling though the hundreds upon hundreds of missed calls and texts.

“You’re not…not now” Brad took the phone back, placing it on silent before he put it on the nightstand. “For now you just sleep and forget about everything that has happened. When you wake up we will figure out what needs to be done next”

Adam wanted to fight him, but he found that he didn’t have the energy left as he closed his eyes and instantly feel into a darkened slumber.

TBC…

Chapter Five

“You’re lucky that we can put a spin on this since it makes you look like the spurned lover” He heard a man say as he sat in a large office, surrounded by a bunch of other men and women that he didn’t know or care to know. “The video clearly shows Mr. Allen as the villain as he declares his love for you and that he doesn’t love or care about the fact that he is married to his wife, well it just makes it even easier for us” Adam could hear the disgust in his voice and yet he didn’t care. He was just too emotionally exhausted to defend the fact that he was gay and proud, or the fact that he was saying horrible things about the man that he still loved. “This is the final straw Mr. Lambert” Yet another man that Adam didn’t know spoke up. “You either do as we say or we will sue you for breach of contract” He wanted to once again tell them what they could do with their threats, but he found himself agreeing just the same. “Very good” The man replied with an evil sneer. “We will release a statement today and you are to agree to everything that we say. You will take some time off. Go to where every it is that you gays go when you need to lay low, but stay out of trouble” Again Adam bit his tongue, nodding once again before he pushed himself away from the table and left. He ignored the entourage of people who normally scheduled his life and instead focused on the man he saw standing silently at the end of the hallway.

Kris couldn’t believe his eyes as he exited the meeting room he had been sitting in for the previous four hours, finding Adam standing before him. No words were spoken as their eyes locked, yet none needed to be because those same eyes said everything. He wanted to run to Adam and pull him into his arms and beg him for forgiveness, but he knew that his touch, his presence, even his existence was not welcome. He could still see the slight markings of the bruises he had inflicted on Adam’s face, knowing that the man was miserable by not only the look in his eyes, but by the fact that there wasn’t any make up covering his beautiful face. He looked exhausted, beat down and for lack of a better word, un-Adam like. His heart beat and broke as he took in the glares of anger and distrust from the people surrounding him before he was led down another hallway and out of Kris’s life forever.

“It’s been a month Adam. Don’t you think that it’s time that you get back out there and start living your life again?” Adam heard his mother say as he sat in her living room watching some random talk show, still in his night clothes in the middle of that afternoon. He didn’t say anything, curling deeper into the cushions because he wasn’t ready to do anything pertaining to his life but wallow. Since he had seen Kris that day at the office he had high tailed it to his mother’s house and had begged her to let him stay with her. After that he had cut everyone out of his life, refusing to do anything but hide out. At first his mother had been supportive and understanding even after Adam had told her about the three year affair between him and Kris, but then she had started nagging him about pulling his life together and it was something that he didn’t want to even think about. “Look I know that Kris hurt you and that its seems easier to hide from what’s going on, but it’s not the answer kiddo” He heard her continue as she sat down beside him. “I love you Adam, but there comes a time when the mother bird has to throw her baby birds out of the nest” She sighed, reaching out and taking Adam’s hand into hers. “Its cliché I know, but it’s time to fly again baby bird”

“You’re kicking me out of you house, the house that I bought you?” He asked her, voice raised as he jerked his hand out of hers and got up off of the couch. “Sorry…” He quickly surrendered, sitting back down beside her at the cross look upon her face. “I know it’s time to get back out there, but I’m scared. I’ve never been so scared in my life and I know that it’s been a month, but I still miss him and it hurts to know that he doesn’t feel the same”

“I’m sure that is not true” She assured, hugging her son when he fell into her arms. “You were together for three years Adam and that just doesn’t go away over night” She tried to sooth him, tears misting her eyes at the sniffles she heard coming from her usually strong son. “I’m not saying that what you did was right because cheating is wrong, but I know you loved each other very much and if it’s meant to be it will happen”

“Meant to be” Adam scoffed, sitting up and wiping at his face in anger. “I may miss him and god help me I still love him, but it’s over once and for all. There is no way that I will ever forgive him for what he did to me” Getting up he ran up the stairs to the room he had been staying in, packed all his stuff into a suitcase and went back home determined to pick up the pieces of his fucked up life.

“So Adam I wanted to thank you for joining us tonight” Adam heard the late night talk show host say as he sat down on the couch next to his desk.

“Thank you for having me” He replied with a smile, waving to the group of squealing girls he heard from the audience. He had never felt so nervous in his life, but he was determined to get through the night and hopefully keep his dignity in tact. It had been a week since he had moved out of his mother’s house and two days since the big wigs at the label told him that he was going to start hitting all the talk shows and speak about his affair with Kris. He had been prepped and told what to say, the threat of being sued still lingering over him if he strayed from their dialogue.

“I see that some things never change” The host laughed, slapping his hands on his desk when the squeals only got louder. “The last time you were here it took several of the staff to calm the audience down after you preformed”

Adam couldn’t stop smiling, his nerves beginning to relax as he waved at the girls again. “My fans are amazing and I love them all” He blew a kiss that time, smiling even wider when a few jumped up and tried to catch the pretend kiss. “And cute too” He winked before turning his attention back towards the host with the strawberry colored hair.

“So it’s been a rough couple of months for you?” He asked, interlocking his fingers and lying them on the desk.

“You could say that” Adam laughed softly, going over the answers in his head because he already knew what the man was going to ask him. The label had made it rather clear to the host that he would be able to talk about the affair, but that he was only able to ask certain questions that they had prepared.

“How are you coping with all the media scrutiny?” He asked the first question on the card before him.

“I’m doing ok. It’s been made a lot easier by my amazing fans that have been there for me from the very beginning” Adam began to recite his lines, cursing inside his head because at that moment he felt anything but fine. He knew what was coming next and as much as he wanted to blame everything on Kris like the label had told him to do, he realized that he was just as much to blame as Kris was.

“How do you think your fans felt when they heard that you and Kris had been involved in a three year long affair?” The host asked and Adam could read the irritation at being dictated in his eyes.

“I know that some of them were shocked and probably hurt by it, but there are some that I am sure loved seeing that tape. They do love their Kradam” He laughed, but it sounded fake and hollow because he knew that it was anything but a joke.

“I bet they were more shocked to learn that Kris Allen, the man that you loved and who had promised to dedicate the rest of his life with you, did the complete opposite when he decided to stay with his wife. I’m sure they were shocked to know that Mr. sweet and innocent was anything but” The words sounded stale to Adam and he hated that the host, who had always supported Adam in the past, was forced to give up control of his own show.

Adam knew what he was supposed to say, knew that he was supposed to make Kris out to be the bad guy who had broken his heart. He knew that the script called for him to rake Kris over the coals and place the blame all on him, but he found that he couldn’t. He knew that no matter how much he was still angry at Kris and how much he had hurt him, that he could never do that to him. He still loved Kris, and despite the fact that he knew there was nothing left to salvage from their former relationship; he knew that he had to do the right thing. “Kris is the nicest guy that you can ever know” He replied, ignoring the pissed of looks and flailing arms he saw on the perimeter of the set. “Yes…we were in a relationship. Yes…he was married while we were together. Yes…it was wrong, but you sometimes do what you have to do when you love someone. The truth of the matter is that I’m the one who initiated the affair. I’d fallen for Kris on the set of Idol and after seven years of friendship and frustration, I kissed him first” He looked over towards the host, sharing a small smile before going on. “I knew he was married, but I loved him so much that I was willing to over look that. I will always be sorry for that Katy” He looked straight at the camera, tears glistening within his eyes at the pain in his heart. Yes…Kris was a willing participate, but I can’t just sit here and not take some of the blame. He hurt me, that much is true, but I hurt him too because I knew he still loved his wife and yet I allowed this to continue and pushed him to leave her constantly. Kris isn’t a bad guy and even though I am probably going to lose everything when my label sues me, I couldn’t let him take all of the blame. The label wanted me to lie and say horrible things about him, but I can’t do that because I still care about him and the relationship that once meant everything to me.

He ignored the suits yelling and screaming at him when the show was called to commercial, a smile on his face as he got up and proceeded to give them all a piece of his mind. Once he was finished, he flipped them all the bird, hugged a beaming host, blew another kiss to his fans in the audience and walked out of the studio. He could hear people yelling and screaming at him in an attempt to get his attention, but he ignored them. Instead, he strutted out into the cool late night air; feeling better then he had felt in ages. Hailing a cab, he walked right past the car that had been waiting for him, ready to go home and drink himself stupid because he knew that he had lost everything, but at that point in time he really didn’t care.

He was halfway through a bottle of vodka when he heard a knock at his door. Looking at the clock on the DVD player he frowned when he noticed that it was nearly two in the morning. He knew it had to be someone that he knew because he had made sure to lock the front gate of the house and there was constantly security patrolling the area. “Adam” He heard a petite female voice speak muffled through the door, his heart speeding up because it could only belong to one person and that person was someone that he didn’t want to see ever again. “Adam…I know your in there” He heard her speak again, cursing himself as he stumbled over to the door, opening it slowly to find Kris’s wife standing there. “We need to talk” She said, walking past Adam so quickly that he tripped over his own foot and fell into the wall. “Put that away and I’ll make us some coffee” She indicated towards the bottle of vodka in the middle of the coffee table.

Adam could only stand there staring at her, his throat dry and unable to produce sound. He could read the irritation on Katy’s face as she pursed her lips, stalking over towards the bottle before grabbing it and bringing it into the kitchen. He still hadn’t moved when she came back out several minutes later with two cups of coffee in her hands. He felt as if he were in some nightmarish hell as he watched her sit down on the couch, placing the two cups on the coffee table before turning to look at him.

“Look…” She sighed. “I’m not leaving here until we talk so either you stand there all night and just stare at me or you get you ass over here and we get this over with”

He felt as if he was walking on jello as he stumbled and tripped his way over to the couch, sitting as far away from Katy as he could, knowing that whatever she gave to him he deserved. No words were spoken for the longest time as she stared at Adam, her eyes raking over his face before they settled on his eyes.

“The record label dropped him” She finally broke the silence, Adam still unable to speak because he had expected something so much worse.

“Oh…” He replied in a dull rasp, feeling lucky that he was even able to say that much.

“He filed for divorce” She went on. “The papers have all been signed, so it’s just a matter of time before it becomes official”

“Oh…” He repeated, still unable to say much more. “Wait…he filed for divorce?” He finally found the will to speak, his voice still sounding unsure and small.

“I wanted to work things out, but he told me that he didn’t love me anymore and that it wouldn’t work out” She went on, reaching over and picking up one of the mugs of coffee, handing it over to Adam. “I remember how you like it and I promise that I didn’t poison it or anything” She moved the cup closer to him, watching as he flinched back as if she were going to throw the contents at him instead. “Please don’t make this any harder then it already is” She said next, tears misting her eyes as she reached for her own cup once Adam had taken his. The room was swathed in total silence as they each finished off their coffee, both staring at each other as if there was nothing else to do.

“Why are you here Katy?” Adam asked his voice firmer and surer as he leaned over and placed the empty cup on the table.

“Because this whole thing is completely fucked up” She sighed again, doing the same as Adam had. “I shouldn’t be the one here telling you this, but he’s too fucking scared to even consider it”

“Telling me what?” His heart began to boom so loud within his ears that he felt as if he might not even be able to hear her response over the loudness.

“That he still loves you” He heard her, the only problem was that he didn’t believe her.

“I deserve that” He replied, getting up and pacing the length of the living room, feeling a lot more sober then he had before she had shown up. “I hurt you with my lies and betrayal and you come here spreading your own lies. I get it…mission accomplished” He said, tears glistening in his eyes. “I never wanted to hurt you Katy” He ignored the annoyed look on Katy’s face as he began to pace again. “I knew it was wrong and that it would hurt you, but I couldn’t stop myself. You’ve known me a long time and you know how selfish I can be” He continued, tears of heartache and shame raining down his face as he turned to face her once again. “I don’t expect you to ever forgive me for what I’ve done, but I hope that one day you can think of me and not have it be filled with hate”

“Yes…you are selfish, but you are always very stupid” She spoke after taking a few deep breaths. “He fucking still loves you Adam” She repeated, reaching out and grabbing Adam’s hands before tugging him back onto the couch beside her. “Even after everything that’s happened he’s still in love with you and I know that you are still in love with him”

“No…you’re wrong on both counts” He tried to get up again, but thought better of it at the pissed off look he received for even thinking about it.

“I saw your appearance tonight” She began again, taking another deep breath. “And I know that you were not the first one to initiate the first kiss” Another breath taken, her eyes watering before she spoke again. “He told me everything Adam” She cut him off when he tried to talk over her. “I was so angry when the video came out that I was ready to murder both of you” She sniffled but continued anyway. “I pretty much beat the shit out of him before I stormed off and left the house. I stayed at a hotel for almost a week before I went back and found him drunk off his ass, watching the video over and over again. I’m not going to say that it didn’t hurt to see the blatant pain in his eyes, pain that strictly had to do with you and nothing to do with me, but I cleaned and sobered him up because I knew he needed me”

“None of that matters now” Adam tried to say, but found him self recoiling again at the sharp and angry eyes blazing at him.

“He told me everything Adam…everything” She continued once he had shut up. “He told me that he had kissed you first and how you pushed him away and refused to talk about it again for nearly two years. He told me that he wore you down every step of the way until you finally gave in and you made love for the first time. He told me how he never wanted to hurt me and that was part of the reason that he refused to leave me, but that the biggest part was the fear of what other people would say and think about your relationship. I’m not going to say that didn’t hurt either” She wiped at her eyes again, breaking eye contact with Adam for a moment in order to compose herself somewhat. I couldn’t hear anything more after that and locked myself in the bedroom. I made myself watch the entire video and as much as it hurt to be betrayed by my husband and someone I considered my friend, I got it. I could see that he truly loved you more then he could ever love me and that you loved him”

“That tape was done a long time ago and…”

“I know you still love him Adam. I could read it on your face and see it in your eyes tonight as I watched you on TV and you can sit here and feed me bullshit line after bullshit line, but I know what I saw. The thing is…” She paused for another moment, her throat constricting in pain at what she was about to do. “The thing is you have to decide if you are man enough to get over your pride and take him back. I can’t make this decision for you or for him, but I think that it’s a shame when it’s clear that you both still love each other so much”

Adam watched as Katy got up, heading for the door. “Katy…why are you doing this?” Adam had to know.

“Because no matter what has happened between us I still love Kris and I want him to be happy. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think that you could make him happy” She replied, her back towards Adam as she opened the front door. “Go to him. Fight for him” Were the last words she said before she exited the room, leaving Adam completely alone and confused.

Chapter Six

“Are you fucking mad?” Brad screamed at the top of his lungs a few days later as he sat in Adam’s living room. “Let me get this straight” He ranted, clutching a throw pillow so tightly within his hands that the seams began to break. “He lied to you about ever leaving his wife. You nearly died because you were so fucking depressed. You have probably lost everything you have worked so hard for in your career and now you want to try and get him back. Am I hearing this right?” His yelling got louder, his grip rougher as the seam split even more. “I know that I am partly hung over, but fucking tell me that I am not hearing this right?”

Adam didn’t say anything for a long time as he listened to his friend rant and rave, knowing that everything he said was right, but after two days of doing noting but thinking and soul searching, not really caring. It was during those two days that he realized that no matter what had happened that he still loved Kris. He knew it was wrong and probably the stupidest decision he had ever made in his lifetime, but he couldn’t imagine living the rest of his life without him in it. He knew that Kris loved him, not once had he ever doubted that love, but what frightened him was the idea that he wouldn’t be willing to take the risks of trying to work everything out. “Brad please, try and understand” He finally spoke up, knowing that out of everyone important in his life, Brad was going to be the toughest one to persuade. Brad had seen him at his worst, drugged up and dead and he knew that was an image that wouldn’t ever go away. “I love him and I’m always going to love him” He tried to explain, tears coming to his eyes at the amount of longing he felt for Kris.

“And what if he hurts you again? What if he tells you that he doesn’t love you anymore or that he doesn’t want to be with you? What if he says that you’re not worth the media hell that you know will follow you if you two were to try and get back together? What if you get back together and he decides that he doesn’t love you enough to fight for you? What if he finds someone else and leaves you like he left the wife he vowed to spend the rest of his life with? What if…”

“Enough…” Adam cried out, reaching forward and jerking the throw pillow he had been tearing apart from his hands. “You think I haven’t thought about everything you’ve just said? I’ve spent the last twenty-four hours doing nothing but thinking about the what if’s, but I don’t care anymore. I love him and I miss him so much that I feel as if my heart is dying without him” The tears finally began to trickle down his cheeks, but he didn’t care because he knew it was what Brad needed to see in hopes of believing him. “I’ve got to give it a try because I can’t live with the what if’s anymore” He reached out, taking Brad’s hand into his own. “I know I scared the shit out of you with the overdose, and I promise that I won’t ever do anything like that again, but emotionally I don’t feel any better then I did that night that I injected those drugs. I feel lost and alone and so fucking scared”

“Adam, I’m not trying to be a dick here” Brad lowered his voice, reaching forward with his free hand and wiping the lazing tears upon Adam’s face. “I’m just fucking scared shitless that something bad is going to happen to you and that you won’t be in my life any longer”

“I’m always going to be in your life” Adam promised, reaching forward and pulling his ex into his arms and holding him tightly. “You are the best friend I’ve ever had, even though you are the one that started this whole media fire storm” He pushed Brad back, pretending to be mad, but for some reason unable to be. “So I guess that means that you owe me” He mock glared at the man sitting before him, already knowing by the look on his face that he starting to come around.

“What the hell are you waiting for?” Brad asked several weeks later as the two of them had lunch at a local café. “I mean, you know that I’m still not one hundred percent behind this stupid idea of yours, but it’s been two fucking weeks” His voice got higher as he slammed his drink on the table to get Adam’s attention.

“I know” Adam sighed, taking a sip from his own glass before putting it on the table as well. “I was so ready to just go over there and declare my love to him and make it work, but each time that I even think about doing it I start to panic”

“That’s good” Brad smiled over at his friend. “Means that you are now coming to you damn senses”

“Maybe” Adam lied, sighing again because he really didn’t know what was holding him back.

“Adam, the record label decided to keep you on. Since your spot on that talk show your record sales have gone up, your popularity has sky rocketed. Maybe it’s just time to get over him and move on with your life. Your life is good again and something tells me that if you get back together with the douche bag that you could really lose it all for good this time”

“I know…you’re right” Adam replied with a smile so fake, his eyes loaded with pain that it literally took Brad’s breath away.

“Jesus Christ…you really do love him don’t you? Like, spend the rest of your life and grow old together kind of love, like give up every fucking thing in the world that means something to you kind of love” He blurted out, sounding like one huge run on sentence that only he could understand. “Get up” He said, grabbing Adam’s arm and attempting to remove him from his chair. “I said get up” He demanded, grabbing his wallet out of his pants pocket and throwing several bills on the table. “What the fuck are you still sitting there for?” He yelled, ignoring the irritated looks he was receiving from the people eating around them.

Adam felt as if he had no choice but to follow his crazy friend as he nodded at the patrons around them, following Brad out onto the street. “Have you lost your mind?” He asked, as Brad grabbed the keys from his hand and practically shoved him into his own front seat. “Sure you can drive” He muttered to himself not even trying to figure out what the hell was going on. “Where the hell are we going?” He asked twenty minutes later, his eyes growing large when they turned onto a familiar street. “No Brad…no” He cried out, eyes wide as he turned and faced the man driving beside him. “I’m not ready…no”

Brad said nothing as he pulled the car up in front of Kris’s house, ignoring the bitching and hollering coming from the passenger side. He had a feeling that he was going to regret what he was about to do, but for Adam’s heart and his sanity he knew he had no other choice. “Stop being a baby about this and get out of the fucking car” Brad growled nearly ten minutes later, arms aching and throat sore after trying very unsuccessfully to get Adam out of the car. “Fine…” He finished with a flounce as he flipped him the bird “You don’t want to listen to me, then listen to him” He grinned over his shoulder, trotting towards Kris front door, it quickly turning into a full run as Adam bolted out of the car after him. With heavy fists, he pounded with all his might onto the wooden door, growing irritated and worried when it wasn’t answered. “Open the fucking door you asshole” He cried out, catching a movement out of the corner of his eye.

“Get away from the fucking door” Adam cried out, tackling Brad to the concrete ground.

“You should be kissing my fucking ass or at least sucking my dick” Brad screamed, trying to push Adam away, but finding it nearly impossible as the hulking man pressed him to the ground.

Kris didn’t know what to make of the scene going on his front porch, but he knew that he had to do something before the cops were called and the press got wind of it. He had had enough of the press and the way they condemned him for cheating on his wife and breaking Adam’s heart. They didn’t seem to want to hear his side of the story or even care that his heart was equally as broken. He knew that he deserved everything he got and that they had ever reason to hate his him because he hated himself as well, but it still stung quite a bit despite it. He hated what he had done to Katy, but he hated what he had done to Adam even more. He regretted every horrible and hateful word he had spoken to him, regretted the internal and physical wounds he had placed on the beautiful man as well. He found himself longing for a drink, the only thing keeping him going since his life had turned into such a fucking shambles. Alcohol had been his only saving grace the entire time, keeping his mind unbalanced and unable to think about the pain and the loss of Adam from his life. At first he just used it as a tool to deal with the pain, but as the time went on and the media decided that he was public enemy number one he found that he needed it daily in order to just barely function.

“Oh my god…I can’t believe you fucking bit me” He heard Adam cry out, forcing him to pull open the front door and rush outside to help him.

“It’s what you get for…” Brad started to smirk, but it disappeared the moment he saw Kris’s Allen’s frame come into his line of vision over Adam’s shoulder. Gritting his teeth and sending the deadliest death glare he had in him, he easily tossed Adam away from him, scrambling towards Kris before Adam even knew he was there. “I should fucking kill you right here where you stand” He screamed in Kris’s face, not bothered in the least that the man could probably clobber him with one punch. “You have no idea what you have done to him” He continued to rant, forcing himself to shut up because he knew he was there for Adam and not the douche bag before him. “Are you sure this is what you want?” He turned to face Adam who was standing behind them, looking so sad and unsure as he and Kris stared at each other. “Of course it is” He grumbled to himself because he knew that neither could hear him as they seemed lost in their own little world. He fought an internal battle for a few moments as he debated trying to kidnap Adam and rush him as fast as he could away from the jerk that had hurt him before, giving up the idea because he knew it hurt Adam more to be apart from him. He wanted to say something, anything to Adam to let him know that if he was needed he was only a phone call away, but he knew Adam was lost to the world as he dug the car keys from his jeans pocket and sulked his way towards Adam’s car. He watched for a few moments from curbside as the two continued to stand before each other, driving away when Kris seemed to snap out of his daze, taking Adam’s hand and leading him into the house.

TBC…

Chapter Seven

The house was eerily silent as Kris led Adam into the kitchen, indicating with his hand for Adam to sit on one of the chairs surrounding a long wooden table. “I’ll get something for you hand” He said quietly as he walked into the hallway, leaning his back against the wall as he tried to remember how to breathe. Having Adam in front of him was his greatest dream come true and his biggest nightmare. He found his mind blank and unwilling to even pretend to function as he tried to recall the million and one conversation he had had with himself if such an occasion would have come up.

Adam wasn’t fairing any better as he continued to sit on the chair, his heart beating so fast that he just knew it was going to explode from his chest before he even had a chance to say one word to Kris. He felt so confused and unsure as he pounded his fist on his thigh, crying out in pain at the open wound present.

Kris rushed into the hallway closet at the outcry of pain, still unable to form a coherent sentence, but his mind functioning enough to remember how to clean and tend to the matter before hand. “This is going to hurt for a moment” He croaked, reaching out nervously and taking the injured hand into his own before pouring a capful of peroxide upon the tender skin. He still couldn’t believe that Brad had bitten Adam. He wasn’t even sure why they were fighting on his front porch in the first place, but in the back of his mind he promised himself that if Adam ever forgave him, Kris was going to owe Brad huge. “Oh shit…I’m sorry baby” He winched at the cry of pain that erupted over Adam’s lips. “My mom used to do this whenever my brother and I used to bang up our knees” He went on, not realizing he had used an endearment or how it had affected the larger man. Gently he blew across the bubbling surface, dabbing around the edges at the rising foamy matter.

The endearment was the final straw that forced Adam to break down as he scrunched up his eyes and let every emotion that had been plaguing his body since Kris had left him that night roll over him. He hadn’t even realized how hard he was crying until he found himself struggling for breath, his mind growing fuzzy and his ears roaring. He vaguely heard someone calling his name, but he felt as if he were lost and rolling in a blazing sea of nothingness and then everything went black.

Kris started to panic as he watched Adam’s eyes roll into the back of his head before he slumped to the floor. Taking a deep breath, he was able to control himself enough to stop an outright attack as he fell to the floor, calling out Adam’s name as he cradles his head in his lap. “I’m so sorry baby” He sniffled, tears drizzling lazily down his face as he ran the tips of his fingertips across the softness of Adam’s face. “I never meant to hurt you like I did. I never wanted to hurt you like I did. Please, wake up so you can hear this for real” He begged, leaning forward and placing a tender kiss upon Adam’s lips. “I love you so much baby. Wake up please” He kissed him again, crying even harder when those same lips seemed to be responding. “Adam…” He whispered, attempting to pull back in order to see if it was just wishful thinking, but a hand at his neck hindering him. “Adam…” He whispered again before kissing him again, that time there being no doubt at it being returned. Adam, we can’t” He finally found the resolve to push himself away, still cradling Adam’s head in his lap. “We have to talk” He sighed, hating the words as they poured from his lips, but knowing that they were true regardless.

“Talking will only dredge up what neither one of us wants to talk about” Adam supplied, allowing Kris to help him up before pulling away from him altogether. He wanted to smack Kris so hard for blowing the moment that they had been sharing as well as kiss him for being the bigger man and knowing what needed to be done before they could move forward. “I don’t know where to start” He followed Kris towards the couch, sitting down with a huff of frustration and embarrassment at the tiny panic attack he seemed to have had.

“Did you really overdose on drugs?” Kris blurted out, closing his eyes at the shocked, yet guilty look that plastered its way across Adam’s face. “Because of me?” He asked, but he didn’t have to hear the answer to know that it was true.

“I was hurt and I did something stupid” Adam began, sounding so small and afraid. “I went to this club and ran into a guy that I knew through some mutual friends. We started talking and he bought me a couple of drinks. He asked me if I wanted to go back to his place and I just lost it. I started bawling right there at the club in front of everyone. He told me that he had something that would make me feel good and before I knew it I had the drugs in my pocket and I was on my way home”

“Adam did you…”

“I took a cab home alone. I knew he was a drug dealer, but I didn’t care. He gave me an unopened syringe and told me how to use it. I knew in the back of my mind he was trying to get me hooked so I would become addicted and come back to him for more, but I didn’t care. I just didn’t want to hurt anymore Kris” He tried to explain, pushing Kris away when he said that he understood and tried to hold him. “NO…you don’t understand because in trying to get over the pain of losing you I died” Adam was breathing harshly as he got up, his feet faltering but able to control his body that time as he walked towards the end of the room before turning around. “If it wasn’t for Brad I’d be dead and now I have to buy a new couch and everything is so fucked up and…”

“I don’t understand” Kris cried out, rooted to the couch at the shocking words he had heard coming out of Adam’s mouth. “What do you mean by that…you died?” His voice got louder, rushing off of the couch and pacing quickly behind it, terrified at what he might hear next.

“I overdosed on the drugs Kris” Adam shot out hatefully. “I fucking shot up too much and it caused my heart to stop” He yelled even louder, not sure where the anger was coming from but knowing that Kris deserved every ounce of it. “If Brad hadn’t come over that night tired of me wallowing in grief and pain I wouldn’t be here today”

Kris felt something inside his body snap at Adam’s words as he closed his eyes, fell to his knees and began to wail and sob, curse himself and pray to a higher power that Adam was still live and in the flesh before him. “I’m so sorry” He heard himself say as he felt Adam fall onto the floor beside him. “I’m so sorry” He moaned over and over again, holding his fists to his head as he tried to drown out the image of the man that he loved lying dead on his couch, a couch they had made love upon time and time again since their affair had started. He knew that he didn’t deserve it as he felt strong arms circle his body, clinging onto the solid body before him in an attempt to prove that he was truly real. “I’m so sorry baby” He wailed on, face buried in his sweaty neck as he cried over everything that had happened between the two of them.

“I told you talking would only dredge up what we didn’t want to talk about” Adam whispered brokenly as he continued to hold Kris. He felt exhausted and so fucking scared about what he wanted and what was about to happen next. The room was quiet except for the occasional hiccup and intake of breath as the two continued to hold each other. “I see I wasn’t the only one trying to loose myself in something other then pain” He spoke a bit deeper as he craned his neck around the small living room finding every surface covered with empty bottles of liquor.

“I’d kill for a drink right now” Kris admitted, falling back onto his rear end, pulling his knees into his chest. “It’s what’s kept me going after that night that I left you and since the media began to hate me”

“I know and you have no idea how sorry I am about that” Adam replied, sitting down in front of Kris doing the same.

“You had ever right to turn that tape over to the media. I deserve what I’m getting because I lied and hurt you”

“I wasn’t the one who turned it over to the media” The taller man said looking over at Kris. “I was angry and I wanted you to hurt for hurting me, but I would have never outed you like that because I know how hard it is to come to terms that you are gay and then trying to figure out how to actually come out about it”

“I don’t understand then. If you didn’t do it then how did it get leaked?” Kris asked, confused.

“Brad had found it when I was trying to dekrisify the house” He responded, lying his chin upon his knee, but not breaking the lock he had with Kris.

“Brad did it” He took back what he had thought earlier about owing Brad for bringing Adam back to him. “Wait…dekrisifying the house?” His eyes got misty as he said the words because he knew what it meant before Adam had to tell him.

“It was Brad’s idea” Adam sighed tiredly, not wanting to talk anymore because it was just too draining. “After I was released from the hospital Brad told me that I should get all of your stuff and remove it from the house. He said that it was what he did when he and I broke up. I had been watching the DVD the night I took the drugs and I guess he found it. That’s why I was so confused when you came over that night because I truly had no idea what you were talking about. I should have known that he was up to something when he offered to take me out of town for the day and insisted that I give him my phone because it was all about me and no distractions”

“I was so horrible to you that night” Kris swallowed hard, tears once again blazing down his face as he recalled how angry he had been and how much damage he had inflicted on his former lover.

“You were angry” Adam responded with a shrug of the shoulders.

“I was angrier at myself for being such a coward and for hurting you the way that I had when I left you that night. I was angry about being outed too, but I was so fucking angry at you because I felt that you didn’t understand where I was coming from”

“I don’t understand where you’re coming from now. What does all that even mean?” He asked, his brow creased in confusion.

“I really can’t explain it more then I was angry that you didn’t just sit back and accept what I was willing to offer you” He tried to explain, going on when Adam just looked at him with even more confusion in his eyes “I expected you to be my secret for the rest of my life. I never planned on coming out about us Adam” He decided to confess because he knew Adam needed to hear it. “I loved you so much, but I guess I didn’t love you enough in that I was willing to out myself to anyone, much less the media” His heart broke at the hurt and pain filled eyes loaded with tears before him. “I’ve always loved you Adam and I’m always going to love you, but I’m a coward and even if you ever could forgive me and love me again, I don’t deserve that love”

“I never for one second doubted your love for me” Adam called out as he watched Kris get up and begin to walk away. “I can always look into your eyes Kris and know exactly what you are feelings without you having to say a word. I knew deep inside my heart that you were never going to leave Katy, knew that you were never going to speak up and declare your love for me to the world, but my mind tricked me into believing it because I love you”

“You love me too” Kris turned to face Adam, his heart so fucking confused that he didn’t know what to think about anything. “I saw it in your eyes on that talk show. You could have fed me to the dogs and let me take the blame, but you didn’t”

“Yeah…I’m stupid like that” Adam shared a small and sad smile with Kris, cursing himself yet again when he started to cry.

“I love you and you love me” Kris spoke softly, inching his way back towards Adam, petrified that anything quicker then that would make him run away. “What do we do now?” He asked once he was standing before him.

“I’m still so hurt and so fucking angry” Adam didn’t hesitate to say, shoving his hands in his pockets to stop them from grabbing onto Kris and holding onto him forever.

“I know” Kris replied, looking as if he heart and just been decimated.

“I want to forgive you Kris and just move past everything that has happened, but I don’t know if I can” He continued with his truths because he was determined that if they were to even have a chance it was going to be based on nothing but the truth.

“I understand” Kris felt even more deflated as he continued to stand before the man that he knew he would love for the rest of his life. “I’ll do anything Adam…anything” He vowed, reaching forward nervously as he took Adam’s hand out of his pocket, holding it tenderly within his own as he looked up into stormy eyes. “I don’t care what it takes because I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but if you don’t want that then I’ll let you go and…”

“I don’t want you to let me go” Adam replied, releasing Kris’s hand because he just couldn’t deal with the idea of being apart from Kris any longer. “Just promise that you’ll never let me go” Reaching forward he pulled Kris into his arms, eyes closed as he held him tightly against his trembling frame.

“It’s a promise that I will take to my grave” Kris replied on a hitched breath as the two of them cried over their losses and the promise of a new future.

TBC…

Chapter Eight

“No…not again Adam” Brad cried out as his best friend stood on his doorstep with an overnight bag in his hand, the same overnight bag he had been showing up on his doorstep with off and on for the previous eight months. “I have a date” He continued to yell when Adam just pushed past him, heading for the guest room. “Fuck…” He sighed in defeat at the slamming of the bedroom door. “What is it now?” He asked a few minutes later after calling his date and canceling their evening plans.

“Nothing…” Adam lied as he sat in the middle of the bed, legs crossed, looking as if he had lost everything that was precious to him.

“What is it this time?” He asked again, undeterred as he climbed onto the bed and sat down in front of him.

“I just can’t do this anymore” Adam finally spoke after several minutes of silence. “It’s been eight months and yet it seems that all we do is fight. Today he found some random article that hinted that you and I were more then just friends while he and I were apart and he just lost it. He accused me of cheating on him, he called me a slut” Adam burst into tears, leaning forward he hide his face in the warmth and comfort of Brad’s chest, hurt and angry that he had to bother him yet again.

“He was drunk?” Brad asked, but he already knew that answer.

“Of course he was drunk” Adam laughed wickedly, pulling away and wiping angrily at his eyes. “I’ve tried everything I can think of to make him stop drinking, but nothing works. I didn’t want to admit it to myself but its true, he fucking loves getting drunk more then he loves me”

“He needs help Adam” He closed his eyes, leaning back on his hands because he knew what was about to come next.

“You don’t fucking think that I know that” Adam roared, getting off of the bed so he could pace the small room in order to burn off some of his heated energy. “I’ve begged and pleaded with him to get help. I’ve left him over and over again in hopes that something would snap and yet nothing is working”

“You keep going back” Brad spoke up, not even bothered by the smoldering look of hate he was receiving. “He knows that every time you and he get into a fight that you are going to run away, but that you will always come back. It’s a vicious cycle that has to end Adam or it’s going to crush both of you”

“I’m fine” Adam scoffed, still glaring daggers at Brad.

“Really? You’re fine” It was Brad’s turn to scoff as he got up and grabbed Adam’s arm, jerking him into the bathroom. “This is pretty much your entire make up collection” He pointed to the make up filling the shelves and countertops near the sink. “Let’s not forget your hair products either” He spun him around, forcing him to look at the two shelves above the toilet. “Or the fact that you’ve filled the entire closet with your clothes” He forced him out of the bathroom, ripping open the closet door and shoving Adam inside. “Oh but we are not done by any means because lets not forget the dresser drawers that are full of your night clothes and underwear. Oh yeah…and of course the fact that my refrigerator is filled with that healthy shit that you eat. You practically fucking live here Adam and you know it. If you were fine you and your shit wouldn’t be practically living in my home”

“I didn’t know that my staying here was such an issue” Adam growled, still standing in the closet where Brad had thrown him.

“You staying here is not the fucking issue and you know it. It’s the reason that you keep coming over here. Adam, you know that I love you and I would do anything for you, but this, I can’t keep letting it happen. If you want to move in with me nothing would make me happier, but after tonight if you don’t make some decisions about Kris I can’t allow you to stay here anymore” He watched the anger diminish from Adam’s face, replaced by shock and then such a hurtful look that it broke Brad’s heart. He wanted to take all the words back, but he knew that he had to hold strong. There had been too many nights just like the one they were dealing with and with each one he felt as if he was losing more and more of the Adam that he loved.

“There is only one decision to make and I don’t know if I am strong enough to make it” He heard Adam’s tiny reply.

“I know you’re not, but I am. It’s over glitter baby” He reached forward and took Adam’s hand, leading the two of them back towards the bed. “I know it’s going to be hard and I know that you are going to hurt like hell, but it has to be over. You’re not you anymore and it’s all because of him and the bullshit that he’s put you through since you’ve gotten back together”

“He’s not the only one to blame Brad” Adam sniffled, eyes closed as he lunged into Brad’s chest as he had before. “He’s a drunk and I can’t get over the fact that he chose Katy over me. I used to believe with my whole heart that he loved me and I could see it in his eyes, but lately all I see is anger and frustration. I don’t even think that he loves me anymore” He began to cry harder, his heart shattering at the seams and yet somewhere deep within those same confines feeling a sense of relief that the nightmare could possibly be over. “I love him so much, but I hate the person that he’s become”

“I know baby, I know” Brad continued to hold his broken friend, hopeful that he would survive the aftermath of Kris Allen. “Just rest” He laid the two of them across the bed, holding Adam close as he cried himself to sleep.

He heard the doorbell hours later as he continued to hold Adam, sleep eluding him as he recalled the nightmare that had become Adam’s life since the night he had dropped him off at Kris’s house. He had never been one for regrets, always taking everything as a learning experience, but that night he found was the biggest regret he held in his life. He wanted to kick himself over and over again for even considering trying to bring those two back together, even though at the time he thought he was doing the right thing. He already knew who was at the door at the second ring, gently sliding away from Adam and closing the door because he knew what he was about to do could get loud and ugly. With each step towards the front door his anger grew inside him until he was ripping and roaring and ready to beat down the unemployed singer he found staring at him through liquor filled eyes.

“Where’s Adam?” Kris slurred, trying to enter Brad’s house, but ending up grappling with the wall when he was shoved backwards. “Do that again and I’ll kick your ass” He threatened, closing his eyes for a second as the picture before him began to spin wildly.

“He’s in the bedroom, you know, sleeping” Brad emphasized the word with a smirk and a wink, knowing that he was only egging the drunkard on but loving every second of it. “I don’t think so” He laughed even harder when Kris’s face turned every shade of red before attempting to enter his home again.

“Get out of my way you fucking fairy” Kris roared, not caring that he was being crass because all that mattered was finding Adam and taking him back home.

“I may be a fucking fairy, but I can still kick your drunken ass” Brad taunted, kicking his leg out and angling his foot enough to do just that.

“I hate you” Kris yelled, looking like a fool as he tried to catch Brad’s foot as he did it again and again.

“The feeling is more then mutual” Brad responded truthfully, finally over the fun and games as he kicked him hard enough one last time to knock Kris on his ass. The look of shock on his face was enough to make Brad laugh one last time before he got serious and prepared to end Adam’s torture once and for all. “It’s over Kris” He blurted out, not caring to sugar coat it because he knew the jerk deserved it. “Adam doesn’t want to be in this relationship with you anymore and because for some reason when it comes to you he’s weak, he’s asked me to do it”

“You’re lying” Kris struggled to pull him self up off of the porch, swaying back and forth from the alcohol in his system and the anger at Brad’s words. “Adam…” He cried out over Brad’s shoulder, trying to push past the man once again, but finding himself on his ass yet again. “ADAM…” He cried out even louder, panic beginning to settle in because he had a bad feeling that Brad wasn’t lying. “ADAM…PLEASE” He tried again, relief filling him for a moment as he watched his lover enter the hallway, but it disappeared the moment he laid eyes on Adam’s pale face. “I’m sorry baby” He began to plead, willing to do anything and everything to make Adam come home with him. “I know I was stupid and angry, but I love you and I need you to come back home with me. I’ll stop drinking, I promise” He knew he was lying but he as willing to do anything to make Adam believe him. “I love you. I love you so much”

“You love him” Brad roared, causing both Kris and Adam to flinch at his loudness. “You don’t fucking love him because if you did you wouldn’t keep hurting him the way that you do. If you loved him as much as you said you did he wouldn’t be running here to me every time you lie to him, hurt him, every time you get fucking wasted” He continued, looking over at Adam to see if he wanted him to stop, but the look in his eyes told him that he was doing the right thing as he turned back to Kris and really laid into him. “You don’t love him Kris because you can’t get over the love you have for your liquor. You’ve broken him. Do you hear me BROKEN HIM” He screamed when Kris seemed to phase out for a bit. “He’s a shell of himself and it’s all because of you. It’s over. He wants out and no matter what you do or say nothing is going to change that. You need help Kris, you both do” He looked over at Adam again, pain in his eyes because he knew those words were true.

“Adam…please” Kris begged, tears pouring down his face, feeling more sober then he had felt in a very long time. “Don’t do this. Come home baby. We can work this out. I love you…you love me” He stammered on the words because he wasn’t getting the reaction he expected to get from his lover. “It can’t be over” He sobbed, burying his head between his knees and sobbing out the contents of his broken heart because he knew that there was nothing that he could say or do to take back any of the hurt he had bestowed on Adam.

Adam was a sobbing mess as well as he watched Kris fall apart before his very eyes. He wanted to run to him, but his legs seemed to be made of cement and he had to admit that he was grateful for that because he knew that Brad was right and it was time to end all the madness. He had tried to make it work, they both had at the beginning, but then the doubt and the fear crept in between them and it began to unravel little by little until there was nothing left there to cling to. Kris turned to drinking to get through each day, while Adam grew angrier and ran away from the problems before them. They loved each other that much was true, but they were deadly together and he knew that if either of them was to survive then it had to be apart. “Call him a cab and give me a few minutes” Adam forced himself to speak, sounding so much braver then he felt. “I’m ok” He assured Brad as he forced his leg to break free of their lock, closing the door behind him as he sat down next to Kris.

“Don’t do this Adam” Kris spoke through his tears, his words sounding so broken and scared that immediately Adam wanted to take him into his arms and forget about how he had vowed to Brad and himself to move on.

“I love you so much Kris, but you have to admit that it’s not working” Adam pulled himself together because he knew what he had to do. “You refuse to stop drinking and then you say things that hurt me so fucking much that…”

“I can stop. I can stop drinking. I really can” Kris exclaimed, reaching forward and grabbing Adam’s hands. “We can make this work”

The hopefulness in Kris’s voice nearly broke Adam again, but again he pulled himself together, removing his hands from Kris’s grip, wrapping them around his knees as he leaned against the side of the house. “Do you know how many times we’ve made love since we’ve gotten back together?” Adam asked, not looking at Kris as he stared at the concrete at his feet. “Twice in eight months and they don’t really even count because the first time was so awkward that neither of us came and the second time you were so fucking drunk that you passed out in the middle of it” He wiped at a few stray tears, his eyes still fixed on the same spot. “Do you know how many times we’ve fought since we’ve gotten back together?” He went on with his query. “Almost every day except for that first week where we were so uncomfortable around each other that we rarely spoke”

“Adam…” Kris tried to speak, but Adam refused to let him.

“I knew that asking you to move in with me so quickly after we got back together was a mistake, but I was so hopeful that it was going to make things better. I think that we jumped back in before either one of us was remotely ready. There were so many levels of emotions that we should have dealt with before, but neither of us was willing to do that. We might have had a shot at the beginning, but it’s too late now”

“It’s not to fucking late. You just want to be a fucking coward and give up” Kris belted out; to angry to care that he was supposed to be defending their relationship.

“Maybe your right, but the fact of that matter is that it’s over, were over” Adam agreed, his heart dying as he struggled to keep his face pain free. “There’s your cab” He pointed towards the yellow car parked in front of Brad’s house. “I’m going to stay with Brad for a while and give you some time to move your stuff out of my house. When you leave Kris, please leave your keys and don’t try and get in contact with me anymore. I need to move on and you need to get some help”

“Fuck you Adam” Kris sneered, nearly falling into Adam’s lap as he struggled to stand up. “I don’t need help from anyone and I sure as fucking hell don’t need anything from you” Throwing him one last dirty look he staggered towards the cab, not even bothering to look in Adam’s direction when it drove off.

“You did the right thing” Brad spoke softly as he sat down next to Adam. “This is what he needs to hopefully get him back on track”

“And yet it feels as if I’ve given up on him” He fell into Brad’s arms, slowly but surely falling apart there. He didn’t care that his neighbors might see, didn’t care that there might be a stray vulture with a camera around to preserve his pain forever in film because all that mattered was that his heart was broken and he needed Brad to help begin the mending yet again.

TBC…

Chapter Nine

“Son of a bitch” Brad cursed from the kitchen as Adam stood in the middle of his living room two weeks later in full on shock.

“I can’t believe that he did this” Adam said, stunned as he looked around his dilapidated house, tears glistening in his eyes as he took in the carnage. Every picture and painting he had on the walls had been torn down and destroyed. The television screen smashed in, as well as every DVD and CD destroyed and thrown around the room. All his knick knacks and treasures from previous tours had been destroyed and left in clear view for Adam to see the moment he entered his home.

“Oh my god” He heard Brad scream from the bedroom, closing his eyes at the anger he heard in his voice. Reluctantly he walked through the ruble on his floor, swallowing back a pain filled lump in his throat as he walked into the bedroom he had shared with Kris, finding it in worse shape then the rest of the house. The floor was covered in broken glass from the mirror that had been ripped from the wall, his bed loaded with articles of his favorite clothing, each one of them ripped and cut into shreds. The walls surrounding them were colored with his favorite nail polishes and make up; the words Fuck You Adam written in large letters like a finger painting. “Don’t go in there” Brad pointed towards the bathroom, trying to close the door behind him. Adam wished that he had listened as he pushed past him and found the walls covered in what looked and smelled like fecal matter, the mirror smashed and it personal products in bits and pieces on the floor. “We can call the cops and have him arrested” He heard Brad say as he pushed the ruined clothes off of the bed and laid down because he felt he just couldn’t stand any longer. “What’s going through your mind right now baby?”

“I just hope that he’s ok” Adam replied truthfully, wondering where Kris was and hoping against hope that he was ok.

Brad knew that there weren’t any charges that were going to be filed as he left Adam alone in the bedroom, calling for reinforcements because he knew it was going to be a long night.

“Were going out tonight” Brad announced a week later as he and Adam watched two hunky looking delivery men place the new couch they had purchased in the living room. It had been a horribly long week for the two of them as they attempted to clean up the mess that Kris had made of Adam’s home, eventually having to hire a cleaning crew because they quickly found it was too much for just the two of them and their small group of friends and family to handle. Two days into the clean, Adam had decided to overhaul the entire place as new furniture was ordered and fresh paint was laid to the walls. It had taken them a week to get everything done that Adam wanted, but even he had to admit that the places looked more modern and beautiful then before the trashing had occurred.

“Where are we going?” Adam asked, laughing a bit when his stomach took that exact moment to growl. “Sorry” He laughed, his face reddening as the two delivery men looked over at him, one in particular giving him a playful smile. “Hope it’s somewhere that has food” He spoke towards Brad, his eyes still lingering on the cute man making no bones about the fact that he was into Adam. He watched as the man walked out of the house, his eyes drawn to the cute butt wiggling as he did.

“Be careful Romero. It’s only been three weeks” Brad warned, not liking the look in his friend’s eyes because he knew he wasn’t ready for any kind of interaction with another man just yet.

“I’m just looking” Adam snorted, his heart aching for a moment as an image of Kris flickered through his mind.

“I know you and I know that look and as much as I want you to move on from the asshole, you’re not ready just yet” Brad reached over and hugged his friend, pulling back quickly when the flirting man came back in and handed Adam a card.

“I wrote my cell phone number on the back in case you need anything after hours” The man said, eyeing Adam up and down in a way that spoke about what he wanted to do with him.

“Don’t hold your fucking breath” Brad snatched the card, shoving it back in the delivery mans hands before escorting him out the door. “I don’t want to hear a word” He pointed at Adam once the door had been slammed. “Come on, let’s get changed and go out to eat and then we will see where the night takes us” He announced giddily as he wrapped his arm around Adam’s shoulder and led him towards the newly decorated bedroom.

“You don’t have to be here you know. I’m not a baby and it isn’t like this is my first date” Adam pretend whined as Brad sat on his bed watching him dress for his date nearly a year later. Adam had decided to hold off on dating deciding that Brad was right and he wasn’t ready to move on just yet. Instead he focused on himself and his career knowing that it was the right thing to do and that he would know when it was the right time to get back into the dating game again.

“It’s your first date in over a year. I know I told you that you needed to take some time for yourself, but I never imagined that you would go celibate for that fucking long” Brad joked, Shaking his head in disgust at the shirt Adam had plucked out of his closet and held up before him.

“I just realized that you were right for a change” He heard Adam’s mumbled reply as he rummaged through his closet for another shirt. “I needed to work on me first and then worry about trying to find someone else” There was a dull ache in his heart as he spoke those words, but he couldn’t help but smile because with each day that passed he was finding it easier and easier to deal with. Several months after the revamping of his home, Adam had decided it was time to take control of his life and with the help of a very expensive therapist he felt as if he was nearly there. It had been hard at the beginning trying to work through the pain and the emotions that consumed him when it came to Kris, but after some time he found that he could actually mention his name and not break down into tears. “You’ve been so amazing through this Brad” Adam turned to face his friend with a smile of his face. “I don’t think I can ever thank you enough. I love you so much for that”

“Whatever the fuck” Brad joshed, waving his hands as he rolled his eyes, but Adam could see that the words touched him. “You’re going to be late if you don’t pick something out” He cried out, trying to push past Adam in order to help him dress, but ending up in his arms and a crushing hug of friendship. “I love you too glitter baby” He smiled against his neck before sliding out of his arms and going in search of a fabulous shirt that hopefully was going to get Adam laid. “Now explain to me again how the fuck you got Jared Leto to ask you out on a date?” He asked as he handed the perfect shirt to Adam, green with envy because he had been crushing on the actor and musician for as long as he could remember.

“I literally ran into him at Whole Foods” Adam giggled and blushed, recalling arguing on the phone with Brad as he shopped for his groceries one afternoon. “I was arguing with you as usual” He giggled again, taking the shirt from him and putting it on. “I wasn’t paying attention and I ran right into him with my cart” He knew Brad knew the story because he had retold it a hundred times since it had happened, but he didn’t care because he was excited about meeting the man and ending up being asked out on a date as well. “I literally took a chunk of skin off of the back of foot. There he was bleeding all over the floor and he asked me out” He felt like a school girl as he cheesed in front of the mirror one last time before turning to face Brad.

“You have all the luck” Brad pouted, even though he was still happy for Adam. “You better get going or you’re going to be late”

“Love you and don’t wait up” Adam called out as he rushed out the door. Jared had asked Adam to meet him at the restaurant in order to avoid the paparazzi that seemed to constantly flag each of them. He was determined to have a good time and hopeful that by the end of the evening maybe even getting laid since it truly had been a very long time.

Dinner turned out to be even better then Adam imagined as the two chatted as if they had been friends for years. Adam felt giddy as they enjoyed the delicious meal before him, followed by a few glasses of wine. Jared was charming and flirty and Adam could feel himself getting swept off of his feet the longer the two continued to get to know each other. “Would you like to come over to my place for nightcap?” Jared asked several hours into their date, a beautiful and mischievous grin upon his face that sent Adam’s heart racing as well as other manly places as well.

“I’d…oh my god” He cried out, his eyes wide, his breath stuck in his throat as he caught a familiar face out of the corner of his eye.

“Adam…hey…you look like you’ve seen a ghost” Jared spoke up, snapping his finger in front of the pale mans face.

“Hello Adam” He watched as a short looking man approached the table, not liking the looks of him one bit.

“Kris…” Adam whispered because it was all the voice he could find.

“I’m sorry for disturbing you, but I wanted to know if it would be ok to meet up sometime this week. I really need to talk to you and…”

“I’m on a date” Adam blurted out, looking quickly at an uncomfortable Jared before turning his eyes back towards his former lover.

“I know and I’m sorry, but I’m only in town for a few more days and I’d really like to talk to you before I go back to Arkansas” Adam could tell how nervous Kris was as he bounced from side to side on his feet, a habit that brought him back to their early days of idol when they were just starting out as friends. “Please Adam; I really need to speak to you” Kris’s voice brought him back from memories of the past.

“I don’t know” He looked at Jared again, knowing that the night had suddenly crashed and burned at the look of irritation on his face. “Maybe…I don’t know” He stammered, so confused about what he wanted.

“I’m going to take care of the bill and get out of here. I had a nice time Adam” Jared said curtly because it was obvious that the two had something going on between them and it was making him feel very uncomfortable.

“NO WAIT. Let’s not forget about that nightcap” He cried out towards Jared’s retreating figure, refusing to look at Kris. “My numbers still the same. Call me tomorrow” He mumbled at him, pushing himself out of his chair before rushing after his date. He didn’t notice the look of longing on Kris’s face or the tears that sparkled within his eyes as he watched the two of them leave together.

Adam felt miserable and confused the next morning as he sat in Jared Leto’s driveway, his hair and make up a mess as he tried to come to terms with seeing Kris again and how his evening with Jared had ended. He had attacked the older man the moment that they had entered his home, not giving him a chance to ask who Kris was or what they had between them. They fucked long and hard throughout the night and where Adam should have been ecstatic about the hook up, he felt nothing but confused because he felt as if he had betrayed Kris in some strange way. Starting the car, he pulled out of Jared’s driveway, guilt pushing in on the confusion at the way he had left Jared passed out on the bed unaware that he had left. He knew Jared probably didn’t care and was used to his fucks leaving in the early morning, but that was the one part of dating that Adam hated. He always longed for more and with Kris he thought he had found that. “NO” He yelled at himself, taking several deep breaths in order to stop where his train of thought was trying to go. “Fuck…” Quickly followed because he knew that even after a year, Kris still had the ability to turn his life around despite all of his hard work to get it back on track.

His morning didn’t get any better when he got home and found Brad passed out on his couch. The moment he heard the front door open he was all over him about the details, his head nearly exploding as he told him everything word for word, including the part about Kris. Brad couldn’t believe that Adam had been so careless and stupid as to give Kris permission to call him, threatening to disown him and never speak to him again if he allowed it. Adam was too tired to fight as he curled up in the spot he had found Brad in and closed his eyes. He didn’t even flinch when Brad stormed out of the house, slamming the front door so loudly that everything on the walls shock from the effort. He was nearly asleep when his cell phone rang, a number appearing instead of a picture or a name, but he didn’t need it because there was no doubt who was calling. “Hello Kris” He answered, his voice heavy and tired.

TBC…

Chapter Ten

“I see you told Brad you ran into me last night” He heard Kris reply as he got up and walked towards the large living room window. As expected he found Kris’s car parked across the street.

“How long have you been there?” He asked, already knowing that Kris knew he was there.

“A few hours” Kris replied truthfully. “I left a few minutes ago to get some coffee and when I came back I saw Brad storming out of your house ranting and raving” He hesitated for a moment, just listening to the heavy breath sounds coming from across the line. “Adam, I know that I don’t have the right to ask, but can I come in?”

Adam wanted to say no, but at the same time he was dying to know what it was that Kris wanted to talk to him about. “As you know I just got home. I need to take a shower and change, if you want to wait I don’t care” He kept his voice steady, despite the fact that his entire body was shaking like a leaf.

“I’ll wait” Kris replied, relived that Adam was willing to speak to him.

“I’ll buzz the gate, the front doors open” Adam replied as he pressed the button to unlock the gate in front of his house, ending the phone call before rushing into his bedroom. He took his time showering and changing, hoping and praying that Kris would be gone before he was done, but fate and Kris had other ideas as he entered the living room and found him sitting on the couch.

“You’ve redecorated” Kris said when he noticed Adam standing in the hallway.

“I really didn’t have a choice with the way you left this place the last time you were here” Adam spat, anger coursing through his veins at the nerve of Kris’s words.

“I know and that’s why I’m here” Kris replied with such sadness on his face that some of Adam’s anger quickly disappeared. “Please, sit” He indicated towards the couch, watching as Adam did the opposite and sat on an oversized chair across the room instead. “I’ve come to make amends. I’ve been able to talk to everyone that I’ve hurt with my drinking, but you”

“Guess I wasn’t important enough” Adam shot out, not even trying to control the anger on his face and in his voice.

“No…that’s not it at all” Kris piped up, refusing to let Adam’s anger detour him even though he knew he deserved it and a lot more. “You are the most important, but the hardest because I hurt you the most” He took a deep breath before speaking again, running his hand through his hair because he really had no idea where to start. “I’m sorry” He found was the easiest way as he sat forward and inhaled a few more times before speaking again. “You can never know how sorry I am for the way I’ve treated you, the way that I’ve hurt you”

Adam wanted to tell Kris to stop, that he wasn’t willing to go down that stretch of his past with him again, but something about the look in his eyes told him that Kris really had changed and that he needed to say what was on his mind and in his heart.

“I was selfish and insecure and I took all that out on you. I don’t know why I let the alcohol take control the way that I did, but it was just easier to deal with the pain and confusion drunk and somewhat unaware of what I was doing to you” He continued to speak, looking at his feet for a moment before he focused on Adam. “I don’t know why you put up with me for as long as you did, but I want to thank you for caring about me enough to think I was worth it” Tears glistened in his eyes as he closed his mouth and tried to pull himself back together.

“I loved you” Adam replied roughly, not fairing any better as he fought the urge to break down right there in front of Kris. “I would have done anything for you, but you had given up and I just couldn’t let you pull me down with you anymore”

“I know and I appreciate that you hung in there for as long as you had. I’ve been to rehab” He looked over at Adam again, his lips trembling at the shocked and devastated look staring back at him. “After you left I just fell apart even more. I lost my house and the few friends I had here because I just didn’t care. I lived in my car for about a month before I realized that I needed to do something. I got some help and have been working on my recovery since then. It’s been hard and there were some days I felt that I wanted to give up, but I knew that I couldn’t. I’m moving back to Arkansas in a few days and I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for what I did not only to your home, but to your life as well. I know that words can’t ever make up for what I’ve done and as much as I would love to pay you back for the damage I did you your house, words are all that I have”

“Kris you don’t have to” Adam could hardly take the broken down man he saw in front of him.

“Yes, I do” He smiled through his tears, wringing his hands together. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about all the horrible stuff that I did to you and it kills me to know that I hurt you. You have to know that I never wanted to hurt you Adam, but the fear and then the alcohol got in the way and it caused me to screwed up the only good thing in my life”

“I hurt you too” He admitted. “I think that we just got hung up on all the bad stuff and it stopped us from reaching for the good stuff” Adam wiped at his own eyes, feeling somewhat better now that Kris had explained to him some of what had happened to him while they were together. “I hope you can forgive me for my part in his as well”

“There’s nothing to forgive, but if you’ll forgive me then I will forgive you” Kris smiled sadly, lying his hands upon his knees.

“You look amazing Kris” Adam said, his heart squeezing a bit because it was the Kris he had fallen head over heels in love with so many years before hand sitting in front of him and not the mean and uncaring drunk he had once been.

“Nah…” He scoffed, rubbing his hands upon his knees in such a nervous way that it made Adam giggle, because it was such a Kris move to make.

“It’s true” He smiled, giggling again because he somehow felt lighter after everything that had just happened.

“You look beautiful” Kris retuned with his own compliment, a blush rushing to his cheeks as he rubbed his knees again. “But then again I’ve always thought you were beautiful”

“You always did” Adam sighed, recalling how when their affair had first started how often Kris would tell him how beautiful he thought he was.

“I better go” He stood up, standing there awkwardly because he really didn’t want to leave, but he knew that he had to. “I’ve got a few things to do before I head home tomorrow” His feet felt like lead as he walked slowly towards the front door, turning to face Adam who had walked up behind him. “Thank you for taking the time to listen to me and for having a kind enough heart to forgive me for what I did to you” Reaching forward he gently ran his fingers down Adam’s wet cheek. “You really are beautiful and no matter what happens from here on out, I will always love you” He leaned forward, kissing him tenderly upon the cheek before rushing out the door.

“I love you too” Adam whispered to himself as he watched Kris run for his car, watching through tear filled eyes as he drove away and out of his life forever.

TBC…

Chapter Eleven

Adam ignored the ringing cell phone next to his bed, closing his eyes and hoping to fall back to sleep. It had been a long week of meetings, parties and working on the stage show of his upcoming tour and he was exhausted. He had made his personal assistant clear that particular day so he could just rest and relax before he prepared for the upcoming months of craziness ahead of him. “Fuck…” He cried out in desperation when his phone rang again. “You better be fucking dying in a ditch somewhere” He spat into the phone, regretting it immediately at the sound of silence he received at his outburst. “Brad…” He cried out as the line went dead. “Shit…” He sighed as he dialed the familiar number, cursing even louder when it went to voicemail. “Look, I’m sorry for the outburst. I’m just tired and crabby and you know how I get” He explained, his eyes drooping as he hung up. “I’m sorry” He said when the phone rang again a moment later.

“Have you been watching TV today?” He heard Brad ask, his voice sounding strange even for Brad.

“No, I’ve been lounging in bed and just trying to catch up on some sleep. Why?” He asked, sitting up because there was something truly wrong with a silent Brad. “Brad…is everything ok? Did something happen?”

“I know that I am going to regret this, but you have to watch it in order to believe it” Brad was talking in riddles and it was starting to give Adam a headache.

“Look, whatever it is I will watch it later. I’m exhausted Brad and I just want to…”

“VH-1 is running a marathon and it just started again. I’ve been watching it all day and I think that it will explain a lot of things” Brad was talking in circles again and he was over it.

“I’ll watch whatever it is later” He spoke quickly, ending the call before Brad could say anything else. ***Three, two, one*** He counted in his head before his phone sent him a text message reminder.

***It’s about Kris you fucker*** It read and before he knew what he was doing his phone was on the floor and he was running into the living room in search of the remote control. Brad showed up at his house exactly seven hours later as he sat curled up on his couch, devastated and so fucking proud of the man he saw on the screen before him.

“I came across it yesterday and couldn’t stop watching it. I have to admit that I’ve never been a fan of the guy, but after seeing this I am seeing him in a whole new light” Brad spoke softly, sitting down on the couch next to Adam and holding him tightly as he cried softly within his arms. For the next several hours they sat in silence as Kris expelled his demons and his pain on the VH-1 show Drug Rehab with Dr. Drew. “He loves you so much Adam” Brad finally broke the silence, stretching a bit due to the awkward way he and Adam had been lying together.

“He told me that he went to rehab, but he didn’t say that he did it this way” Adam sniffled, his eyes heavy and tired from lack of sleep and from the non-stop tears that bled from his eyes each and every time that Kris bared his soul for the camera.

“He’s got guts that’s for sure” Brad agreed, running his hand through Adam’s messy hair.

“Why do you think that he did it?” Adam asked, sitting up and looking at Brad with eyes so hopeful that it made him smile.

“You know why he did it” He replied, reaching out and cupping Adam’s face with his hand. “The question is are you willing to take the next step”

“I’m afraid” Adam admitted, his body starting to perk up with excitement and energy and something he hadn’t allowed himself to feel in such a long time.

“I’d be worried for you if you weren’t” Brad replied with another smile, chuckling to himself at the underlying energy he could feel coming from Adam. “Your flight leaves at seven-thirty tomorrow morning” He beamed even larger as he got up, tugging a stunned looking Adam with him. “I figured it would give you enough time to pack and get some sleep”

“I can’t go. I have meetings and rehearsal and…” He stopped speaking, his eyes filling with tears and yet that time they were tears of happiness as he hugged Brad quickly, jerking him all over as he tried to jump up and down at the same time. “I’ve got so much to do. I need to call…”

“I’ve already called your personal assistant and told her to tell the fat cats that you had an emergency and would be out of town for at least the next couple of days. It was the best I could do” He shrugged, crying himself at just how happy Adam looked.

“I can never repay you for this” Adam laughed, hugging Brad once again before planting a huge kiss upon his lips.

“Be happy, that’s thanks enough” Brad meant those words as he grabbed the taller mans hand and tugged him towards the bedroom. “First we sleep and then we pack, not that I think you will need clothes once he sees you on his front door”

“Wait, I don’t even know where he lives anymore” Adam panicked for a moment, but it didn’t last long at the grin he received from Brad.

“It’s all been taken care of. A car will pick you up at the airport and bring you to your lover boy and then where you go from there is up to you and Kris” Adam hugged Brad so tightly that they both lost their breath, but he didn’t care thanking a higher power that Brad was in his life.

“Are you sure this is the right address?” Adam asked the driver as they sat outside a dilapidated apartment building the next day.

“Yes sir” The man replied, looking at Adam through the rear view mirror. “Would you like me to go to the door for you?”

“No, just wait in case he’s not here” Adam said, his hands twitchy and nervous as he opened the door and stepped out. The area surrounding him was run down and quite scary looking as he picked up the pace, searching for the apartment the driver had told him Kris lived in. The entire flight over he had gone over the different things he might say once he saw Kris again, but as he approached the door he found his mind like a blank sheet of paper. He stood there for a few moments as he willed himself to knock on the door, his body visibly shaking in stone cold fear of the unknown. Doubt ran through his mind, but it didn’t last long as he recalled the words of love and devotion he had heard Kris speak of time after time on the reality show. With new determination he knocked loudly on the door, his heart hammering in his chest as he waited for it to be opened. Many minutes passed and that determination began to wane when the door still hadn’t been answered. He was just about to burst into tears when he heard a voice behind him.

“Adam” Kris whispered, the grocery bag in his hand falling to the ground in front of him. Tears bled from his eyes as he watched the man that he still loved run over towards him, nearly knocking the two of them to the ground as he wrapped his body around his own. “I was hoping that you’d come” He cried out, holding on for dear life and hoping against hope that he wouldn’t have to ever let go again.

“I love you. I love you so much” Adam murmured as he leaned down and kissed the man he hadn’t ever expected to kiss again.

“I love you too” Kris returned the sentiment between kisses, his breath ragged and uneven from not only the kissing but the emotions rolling within him as well.

“Why did you do it?” Adam asked, pulling back just enough to see Kris’s face, but not enough that he wasn’t touching every bit of Kris’s body that he could. “Why would you allow them to tape everything you went though?”

“I knew that I couldn’t ever explain to you through words how sorry I was for what I did to you. I wanted you to see that I meant it when I told you I loved you and would only love you, but I also did it for myself” He explained, closing his eyes as another wave of tears fell over him, only to open a moment later at the press of butterfly kisses upon both of his eye lids.

“My brave baby” Adam smiled, signaling towards the driver that it was time for him to leave.

“How long are you here for?” Kris hated to ask, but determined to enjoy whatever time he had with Adam to the fullest.

“Only long enough to pack up your shit and move you out of this hell hole” Adam chuckled, stepping away from Kris as he began to pick up the few items that had spilled out of the grocery bag still on the ground. “We have a lot to discuss, but right now I just want you to make love to me” He reached out his free hand towards Kris, his heart swelling with joy as Kris placed his hand into his, leading him towards his apartment and what he hoped was the start of their life together.

Adam was more then stunned as they walked into Kris’s tiny apartment, the place practically bare with only a small couch, a TV in the living room, and a bar stool next to the counter in the kitchen. “It’s not much, but its home” He heard Kris say as he turned to face him.

“Why are you living here?” He asked, brows knitted together because it was such a vast difference from the home he had lived in with Katy in California and the home they had shared as well.

“It’s all I can afford” Kris replied truthfully, taking the grocery items out of Adam’s hand before putting them away. “After the video leaked as you know the label dropped me and sued me for breach of contract. I lost everything”

“Oh my god Kris. I knew they dropped you but I didn’t know you lost everything” Adam gasped, recalling that Kris had said he had lived out of his car for a month. “Why didn’t you tell me? I could have help you”

“I wouldn’t have taken it” He said, closing the fridge door after placing a half gallon of milk in it. “I was too messed up to see that I needed help and too angry to care. Come here Adam” He held out his hand, leading the two of them towards the thread bare couch, stilling holding his hand as they each took a seat. “After that night at Brad’s place I just got lost even more, but it was what I needed” He amended at the hurt look that quickly crossed Adam’s face. “It forced me to begin to take a look at my life, but it was still awhile longer before I did anything about it. I stayed with every friend I knew in L.A., out wearing my welcome rather quickly. Once I ran out of friends I lived in my car, still not caring that my life was going down the toilet. I literally ran into Dr. Drew on the street one night. He was coming out of a restaurant with his wife and I was so wasted that I didn’t even know where I was. The rest of the details are kind of blurry, but I remember waking up the next morning at his treatment facility. He asked me to stay, but I refused and left. I got as far as the front door before I just lost it. It was at the point in time that I realized that I had lost everything and that I needed to do something about it. I turned around and signed myself in. He asked me if would be willing to be part of the program and at first I said no, but later that night as I was lying in bed I realized that it was something that I needed to do”

“You were so open and honest” Adam sobbed softly. “It broke my heart to see you hurting so much, but at the same time I was so fucking proud of you”

“I wanted to tell you that day when I came to make amends with you, but I couldn’t. I wanted you to see if for yourself and then decide if I was worthy of yet another try” Tears trickled down his face as well as he released Adam’s hand and stood up before him. “This is me now. I’m a dried up musician, recovering alcoholic with about five hundred bucks to my name. I don’t own a car and have been working at my fathers shop for the last few months because I couldn’t get a job anywhere else. I have nothing Adam and as much as I wouldn’t blame you for running out that front door and never looking back, I hope that you can still love me as I am”

Adam was a full crying mess as he stood up before the bravest man he knew, taking his hands into his own before kissing them softly. “You have me and I’m not going anywhere” Adam smiled, as he leaned down and kissed Kris gently as if to prove his words true. “You’re coming back to L.A. with me and we are going to do this right this time” He spoke over his shoulder as he tugged Kris towards what he figured to be the bedroom since it was the only other door in the tiny apartment.

Kris didn’t know what doing it right meant, but he found that he didn’t care as he allowed Adam to lead him towards the bedroom, the two of them making love until the early morning hours. Afterwards as Adam slept curled up behind him, he prayed for the first time in what felt like years, thankful that he was able to get his life back on track, but most importantly that Adam had been forgiving enough to want to be part of that life once again. “Love you” He heard Adam murmur against his naked back, not sure if he was awake or not as he gently turned to face him.

“Love you too Adam” He replied softly, smiling at the soft snore and the puff of air that ghosted over his face in reply. “Love you too” He repeated, closing his eyes as the heat from Adam’s body began to sooth him into a happy and peaceful place of existence.

The End…


End file.
